the thunder

june 11th, 2009: my freshman year of highschool ended. i can't believe i survived. in all honesty, high school was different in a lot of ways. for one thing, it was a lot less scary than i imagined as far as teachers and getting lost go. seriously, shit was kinda easy. however, people weren't. as usual, people will always change throughout the years. a majority of my friends changed clothes and friends and whatnot. good to say that personalities didn't differ by too much. i met a lot of cool people. some were people i knew before but never got a chance to click with. some were people i never thought i would have a chance with. some were just people i thought were funny (farmer emo kid). least to say, my first year of high school didn't kill me. i can't say that i've changed a drastic amount or anything like that but i have improved in some ways. i've kept a relationship with most of my close friends (exception to those who went to the other high school in town) and i've kept a boyfriend for over six months now. i took some hard classes, some being harder than others with better teachers than others, and i managed to get no lower than a B+ in all of them. so what if i didn't get a 4.0 like some people. i won't graduate valedictorian or be head of my class. however, i am happy with how i performed and i challenged myself to the fullest extent that i could.

not only did i do good as far as academics and friends, i also took a lot of time to figure myself out. i now have a great idea of what i want to do in my future. also, i know my place in high school. i am far from a popular kid. i don't do the whole american eagle, ambercrombie, hollister junk. i never will. at the same time, i don't live at pac sun and hot topic anymore haha. i'm not preppy, i'm not emo, i'm not a hick, i'm not a geek. in fact, i don't think i'm much of anybody. i'm kind of artsy in my own lil way. one day i'll wear something cute, one day will just be tank tops, another will be band tshirts. i still love my skinny jeans. i've picked up on the flip flops thing but i still love vans slip ons and chuck taylors in the fall and winter =]. i'm still who i was before and then some. i've extended myself. i may not be known all throughout the school. i'm not in band and i don't do the school plays like a lot of my friends. but i don't care. i like who i am. i don't need a lot of people to know my name. i don't need a lot of friends who only talk to me because of the clothes i wear. i'm happy with my nobody status as long as i know my friends are true and always there for me.

high school. i can't find any way to describe it besides life changing and i'm only one year thru. i didn't freak out like i thought i was going to and i tried my best to not let the pressure get to me like i know A LOT of kids did. my next three years i know what to expect and i know i'm going to do well no matter how much i worry about grades or fitting in and all that junk. i think i've got a pretty good grip on things.

this year was my first year in a while that i was begging for summer to come. even tho high school was fun and all, it is a lot of pressure and work. this summer i don't have a dumb pushy show choir to worry about. i've got a boyfriend to spend time with and a best friend to catch up with =]. i've also got a huge stack of books waiting to get read and an art portfolio waiting to be created. possibly i'll attempt some photography or work on my tan lol. all i know is i'm gonna relax and take some time for me as well as keeping in touch with people.

high school...

it's been a while

i haven't posted in forever. been caught up in school. however, there shall be lots to come this summer when i actually have time =] in fact, i kinda look forward to blogging again. it's a nice release.

anywho, i changed the name of my blog to "We Are Always Searching" because in all reality, i do not enjoy killing everyone. just some people. plus, i think that fits my mindset at this moment in time. likewise, i changed my url to http://restisforthedead.blogspot.com/ in case you want to visit me that way.

alas, i shall be on my way again but hopefully not for long. look for me in the next two weeks or so =]

i wanna be an astronaut and get high...

...break the barrier of sound into the sky...

i'm having trouble grasping the concept of growing up. i still act like a little kid all the time. i don't ever want to let go of being a child. yet, i really want to get older and be free. it's a troubling concept. all i know is that you can't redo things. there are no second chances (unless you believe in magical stuff like that) so you have to live while you can. i really need to stop doing things that i know i'll regret later. i need to do the best that i can and make all my dreams happen. i have no idea why i'm talking about this. it sort of came out of nowhere.

it is the third day that austin has been on his trip to greenbay. he sent me a picture of his friends alex and anthony. haha i'm glad he is having a good time. cept i'm kinda stuck here being bored. i did some work today to earn some money and i plan to do the same tomorrow. yesterday, i volunteered at echo and helped make easter baskets for lil kids. that was nice. i felt good about myself. thursday is going to be the highlight of my break. me and katie are going to chicage =]. friday and saturday are going to be designated to homework. sunday is easter. also, austin comes home on sunday and i am really hoping there is some way we can spend some time together. day 3 of 8.

i really want summer. i know i'm complaining about spring break, but summer is completely different. for one thing, austin hopefully won't be gone all summer. also, it's a lot more time for me to get stuff done that i actually want to do contrary to school shit. i want to try and improve some of my artistic skills. maybe do some photography. take a lot of walks. i have my ideas.

sometimes, i like to imagine that i'm in a different place. a place with all different people, a completely different setting, and sometimes a different me. i seem to imagine these fantasy worlds when life gets tough for me. i guess it's my way of coping. i like to escape and run away. sounds rather crazy though.

*sigh*

...just wanna be free from the confines of gravity

kings of chaos

today is our four month anniversary =]

i feel terrible for not posting in over a month. i kinda miss this place. it's just, i've been quite busy and to be honest, it is rather enjoyable to be caught up in life instead of on the computer.

i do not have any real news. i've been on the down low. looking into shiz so i can learn how to drive. keeping up with school. staying sane. raising money for the american cancer society [which isn't going too well]. yeah, nothing interesting.

spring break is next week =] only one more day left. i don't have any plans. austin is going to greenbay for the week to spend time with all of his friends. i'm okay with that. he hasn't seen them in a while and he prolly needs a good break from me. i just don't want to be alone. i have plans to get me some money so i can buy a new pair of shoes. otherwise, it's going to be a lot of nothing. ha maybe i'll have some time to blog then. alas, you need interesting things to talk about in order to blog and i have none.

i just realized how much i really like my blog playlist.

there are a few concerts coming up soon. i was really looking forward to going to the AP tour this year, cept we never got tickets and almost all of the shows including milwaukee are sold out or close to it. i don't know where the enthusiasm went for that one. straight out the damn window. my regular concert buddy, well, let's just say i don't know what's up with that either but they don't seem to want to go to anything either. therefore, i don't know. i'm done failing at the explaination of this.

eventually, something fun will happen and i will be right back to my blogging habits. until then, you can find me posting daily on twitter.

show me dark and obscene

yesterday i went to chicago with my friend jocelyn and her family, my mom, and one of their friends. jocelyn had a dance competition and i got up at 4 o'clock in the morning. we left at six. we ate at this little breakfast cafe in chi-town then we dropped jocelyn off at the hotel where the dance convention was. the rest of us went shopping for pretty much the whole day. then, we went back to the hotel so we could see jocelyn perform. i love going to chicago, but the mall is not the only sight i want to see while i'm there. next time i go, i want to see lake michigan and whatnot. i love lake michigan. it's gorgeous. actually, i had a lot of fun shopping. it was nice to get stuff not because i needed it but because i wanted it. i don't know if any of you have been to the store urban outfitters but omg that shit was amazing. i loved that store so much. they had these amazing headphones, cameras, books (including the bell jar!), scarves, and some extremely expensive clothes. the only thing i could actually afford was this bood called Futureproof by N. Frank Daniels. i cannot wait to read it.

i'm doing relay for life this year and i'm extremely excited. i'm really happy to be helping out people and i want to raise as much money as possible for it. it's gonna be a blast. =]

it's been quite rainy outside these past two days. i do not enjoy that. i really need the sun right now.

today is my grandpa's birthday. birthday's always remind me of how fast time goes by. march 2nd was mine and austin's 3 month anniversary. time with him just seems to go by ten times faster. the faster things go, the more i don't know who/what i am. i really don't.

i like the sun.

Damn You Look Good, And I'm Drunk

the really big news is that today is mine and austin's three month anniversary =] honestly, i love that boy more and more each day. even tho he didn't buy me tickets to see william control tomorrow >=[ i shall forgive him XD ^_^

in other news, my kitchen remodelling is FINALLY almost done. yay!

it's been such a long time since i've posted and i can't think of much to say

i really want to go shopping. i might be going to chicago this coming weekend. if i do, i am definitely gonna hit up Epic Burger. also, the mall. the only bad thing about this trip is i have nooooo money at all. that sucks balls.

backseat goodbye came to madison, wisconsin last saturday. i was extremely pissed cuz i found out the day of and i was in madison at the same time of his show. life couldn't get any worse. but then i found out it was pre-sold out so i guess that was okay. now, tomorrow william control is coming to milwaukee with some people and they are going to host an after show party at denny's. i so badly want to go but i can't. life just got worse.

things have been going pretty well for me since the last time. i couldn't be more happy. i can't wait for spring =] austin and his mom are planning on moving and they might move closer to me. that means going for walks, going to the park, watching movies, laying in the sun, and spending lots and lots of time together. haha eventually we are gonna get bored with eachother. =]

i think it's the sun. the sun has made things better. now, if only the weather would be a touch warmer. the world would be perfect.

note to self: i need to spend more time with people whose names are NOT austin

pontificating

valentine's day was yesterday. once again, austin had to be a thousand times nicer than he needs to. the lil lover boy bought me a bouquet of yellow roses and this gargantuan stuffed puppy thats holding a heart that says "be mine". it was adorable. i swear i hugged that boy as tight as i could for like 10 minutes straight. ^_^ haha katie, my dearie, got me a beanie baby giraffe and this cute as hell lil lovely love story with dinosaurs. i love those kids. i was sad tho, because i couldn't buy anyone gifts on account of the fact that my mom's birthday is in a week and i needed to save my money for her. i felt really bad. however, valentine's day was amazing nonetheless.

so, a while ago i was talking about people. well, here's an update. i've had an amazing comeback with zac. seriously, we went from zero to like a thousand all over again. and the same exact day that i wrote that post, i saw annie at the mall and we chatted for a while. it was so nice. alas, the other people continue to get worse. hmhm =/

school angers me in many ways. i don't wish to go into detail tho. it might make me even more angry.

i recently discovered that i am a very jealous person. or shall i say rediscovered. i've always been jealous of other people and the things they have. but, now i'm jealous of other people and the people they have. hm, confusing. i don't wanna say anything the wrong way so i just won't say anymore at all. it's nothing like the way i put it.

haha i watched Demetri Martin's new show on wednesday. damn, i love that boy.

stupid winter just won't go away. it urks me >=/