i wanna be an astronaut and get high...

...break the barrier of sound into the sky...

i'm having trouble grasping the concept of growing up. i still act like a little kid all the time. i don't ever want to let go of being a child. yet, i really want to get older and be free. it's a troubling concept. all i know is that you can't redo things. there are no second chances (unless you believe in magical stuff like that) so you have to live while you can. i really need to stop doing things that i know i'll regret later. i need to do the best that i can and make all my dreams happen. i have no idea why i'm talking about this. it sort of came out of nowhere.

it is the third day that austin has been on his trip to greenbay. he sent me a picture of his friends alex and anthony. haha i'm glad he is having a good time. cept i'm kinda stuck here being bored. i did some work today to earn some money and i plan to do the same tomorrow. yesterday, i volunteered at echo and helped make easter baskets for lil kids. that was nice. i felt good about myself. thursday is going to be the highlight of my break. me and katie are going to chicage =]. friday and saturday are going to be designated to homework. sunday is easter. also, austin comes home on sunday and i am really hoping there is some way we can spend some time together. day 3 of 8.

i really want summer. i know i'm complaining about spring break, but summer is completely different. for one thing, austin hopefully won't be gone all summer. also, it's a lot more time for me to get stuff done that i actually want to do contrary to school shit. i want to try and improve some of my artistic skills. maybe do some photography. take a lot of walks. i have my ideas.

sometimes, i like to imagine that i'm in a different place. a place with all different people, a completely different setting, and sometimes a different me. i seem to imagine these fantasy worlds when life gets tough for me. i guess it's my way of coping. i like to escape and run away. sounds rather crazy though.

*sigh*

...just wanna be free from the confines of gravity

kings of chaos

today is our four month anniversary =]

i feel terrible for not posting in over a month. i kinda miss this place. it's just, i've been quite busy and to be honest, it is rather enjoyable to be caught up in life instead of on the computer.

i do not have any real news. i've been on the down low. looking into shiz so i can learn how to drive. keeping up with school. staying sane. raising money for the american cancer society [which isn't going too well]. yeah, nothing interesting.

spring break is next week =] only one more day left. i don't have any plans. austin is going to greenbay for the week to spend time with all of his friends. i'm okay with that. he hasn't seen them in a while and he prolly needs a good break from me. i just don't want to be alone. i have plans to get me some money so i can buy a new pair of shoes. otherwise, it's going to be a lot of nothing. ha maybe i'll have some time to blog then. alas, you need interesting things to talk about in order to blog and i have none.

i just realized how much i really like my blog playlist.

there are a few concerts coming up soon. i was really looking forward to going to the AP tour this year, cept we never got tickets and almost all of the shows including milwaukee are sold out or close to it. i don't know where the enthusiasm went for that one. straight out the damn window. my regular concert buddy, well, let's just say i don't know what's up with that either but they don't seem to want to go to anything either. therefore, i don't know. i'm done failing at the explaination of this.

eventually, something fun will happen and i will be right back to my blogging habits. until then, you can find me posting daily on twitter.

Reactions Over Resolutions

mmm so it's the new year and i'm pretty dissapointed in myself. i didn't bother to make any new years resolutions or shit like that. i coulda used to do that also. i have a lot to improve on, but oh well. =/

my new years eve was pretty kickass =] me and katie went over to austins house to hang out with him and his friends. it was a pretty stellar time. lots of yelling, some partial nudity, phonebook ripping and burning, walking in the extreme cold, blanket adventures. i liked it a whole lot ^_^

today is the last day of winter break and i am less than enthused. once we get back to school i have to start studying for semester exams and i think i'm going to do horrible =[ also, i procrastinated on some shit over break which means i'm going to have to haul ass in order to get it done in time. i piss myself off. i wanted to spend a large portion of my break hanging out with people which was cool, but i had a lot of empty space in between that i just wasted and now i'm fucked >=/

i've been feeling sick a lot lately. i get stomach aches pretty much everyday. but i'm too stubborn to go to the doctor cuz i'm scared shitless of hospitals.

i don't know if i've mentioned this already, but i am definitely ready for some spring action. i love winter, i really do, but the gray skies and the constant coldness just got boring to me. i need sun and grass and bright thriving colors. just as long as it isn't too hot =]

so i'm gonna be going with austin pretty soon here to take his posse back home. haha i actually find myself wishing that they lived here. as crazy and loud as they may be, they are some cool kids =] AND I MISS AUSTIN LIKE HELL! so i NEED this trip [=

Today's Not Over If Tomorrow's Still The Word You Use

winter break has been going pretty okay. could be a tad more exciting or fun, but i can't do much about that.

christmas was nice. i got a few shirts that i really like. a sweatshirt. some random jewelery. a new i pod, which i was not expecting at all. however, my favorite gifts included a cute wind up dinosaur from katie. and a super pretty necklace from austin ^_^ besides all the gifts, it was a usual christmas. i didn't do much all day except go to my grandparents' house and help make dinner. all my aunts and uncles and cousins came over and we just spent some time together. same as every year. i think next year i would like to do something small. no big traditions. no huge dinner. i don't even want it to be all about gifts. i just wanna spend time with all of my favorite people. and i want the sun to be shining =]

i'm pretty excited for new years eve to come. i went with austin and his dad yesterday on a roadtrip. we trucked all the way up to oshkosh to meet austin's friends from greenbay/de pere. haha i'll admit that they are some crazy awesome kids. they made me laugh a lot. me and katie are going to go over to austin's house on new years eve to chillax with him and his friends. it going to be pretty simple and fun. =] i just can't wait to see my two favest people in the universe.
so i can't stand one minute away from this boy. it's pretty obnoxious how much i really love him. he's real. he doesn't try to be someone he's not. he's funny and entertaining. he's way too sweet =] and i have no idea how i got so lucky. honestly. ♥austin belke

i'm in the process of not enjoying either of my parents. my dad just isn't a dad. my mom is too controlling. both of them seem to make decisions based on how happy they are. it's like they have forgotten their kids. my dad still drinks. my mom yells all the time. one step forward, three leaps back.

so, winter break has been pretty okay. in my opinion, i haven't been getting out enuf. but, i blame that on my overcontrolling mother who can't trust me worth shit. it's cool. with the few days that i have left, i still need to get all my shit done for school cuz i like to procrastinate. story of my life. at least it's been sunny the past two days =] it keeps a smile on my face.

So...

i've lost my luster
i'm running out of interesting things to say
boooooo

mmm so i cannot wait for christmas =]
or new years eve/new years
or tomorrow
or friday

tomorrow i'm going to katie's house to play some wii and whatnot. i miss her to the extreme! but i'm sooooo happy that winter break is here. i get bored with people and things easily so school was seriously starting to piss me off. i thought i was going to burn that shit down if i had to stay another second longer. i really did need a break. so yes, tuesday, cannot wait =]

then christmas! i can't wait to open my presents! haha i made a pretty detailed list this year and i think people got me some nice presents for once this year so i can't wait.

friday! i'm going to go see a movie with austin. there's this one called the spirit [http://mycityscreams.com/] that i think looks really awesome. i'm pumped.

new years! me and katie are going to go to austin's house for a lil get together. he has three of his friends coming down from greenbay/de pere and i'm really excited to meet them but i'm also nervous cuz i think they might find me dorky. haha! i could care less. ugh it's gonna be a blast.

okay okay. backtracking a lil bit. we had a snow day friday and i was ecstatic. it was a really good thing too, because my hair straightener broke that morning and i was about to go into cardiac arrest. so, i made an emergency trip to target and got this really cool hair straightener that is my favorite color of blue =] i had a hard time throwing away my other one tho because it was a really nice hair straightener and i have no idea how it busted. any who, i also got this amazing pair of super yellow sunglasses. haha i wore them today cuz it's really sunny outside. i love target. live savers.

lots of things to look forward to =]

Wake Up; You're A Drama Queen

i'm gonna be honest you guys. not much has changed since the last time i posted. i can't really say anything worth while has happened. jeez, how boring is that? very. life is at a standstill. i guess i never said how dodgeball went.

we showed up and we looked pretty dashing for the most part. however, looks could not save us. let's just say we weren't the best team out there. XD but it was still worth it. i had a lot of fun and i laughed a whole lot. i would definitly do it again. except this time, our team should practice before hand.

we have another four day weekend this week. thursday and friday off! i could really use those extra days off. i'm running behind on sleep and i'm sick of going to bed so early. yes, i do consider 10:30pm to be early. midnight is more my speed. i don't think i have very much to do tho besides sleep. i'm pretty sure i'm going to spend the day at the hanus's house on friday. which should be fun. i'm kinda hoping alex isn't busy and is willing to pop by. my luck isn't that stellar. otherwise, i don't think i have plans. that bothers me. i'll be doing a whole lot of nothing.

it just came to my attention that i know a lot of people with the same name. alex is a prime example. and i do recognize that my stories are not as thourough when i am speaking of these people with same names. it may come off as very confusing. i don't really know how to fix that. my friends should get more creative names.

i'm gonna focus a majority of my freetime on reading. that is a goal of mine. i have a lot of books that i want to read and i'm sick of getting into the first chapter and losing interst. i also wanna work on writing a short story a two. granted, the short story will be for my health class at the end of the quater; but i'm trying really hard to come up with something amazing. the last story i wrote for health, i did it in one day. the teacher liked it a lot i guess but i know the amount of effort i put into it. i want something really special that will be phenomenal this time. and i'm not gonna procrastinate.