pontificating

valentine's day was yesterday. once again, austin had to be a thousand times nicer than he needs to. the lil lover boy bought me a bouquet of yellow roses and this gargantuan stuffed puppy thats holding a heart that says "be mine". it was adorable. i swear i hugged that boy as tight as i could for like 10 minutes straight. ^_^ haha katie, my dearie, got me a beanie baby giraffe and this cute as hell lil lovely love story with dinosaurs. i love those kids. i was sad tho, because i couldn't buy anyone gifts on account of the fact that my mom's birthday is in a week and i needed to save my money for her. i felt really bad. however, valentine's day was amazing nonetheless.

so, a while ago i was talking about people. well, here's an update. i've had an amazing comeback with zac. seriously, we went from zero to like a thousand all over again. and the same exact day that i wrote that post, i saw annie at the mall and we chatted for a while. it was so nice. alas, the other people continue to get worse. hmhm =/

school angers me in many ways. i don't wish to go into detail tho. it might make me even more angry.

i recently discovered that i am a very jealous person. or shall i say rediscovered. i've always been jealous of other people and the things they have. but, now i'm jealous of other people and the people they have. hm, confusing. i don't wanna say anything the wrong way so i just won't say anymore at all. it's nothing like the way i put it.

haha i watched Demetri Martin's new show on wednesday. damn, i love that boy.

stupid winter just won't go away. it urks me >=/

Shiver Away, I Thought The Action Was Real

one of my mom's friends who is like 30 and can't seem to grow up suggested that i should get a Twitter. yesterday, i decided to take her advice. i was curious. http://twitter.com/zealoutry. the suckish thing is that i know absolutely no one on there. well, i do very much so enjoy following backseat goodbye and texing in random things from my phone. but, it would be 10 times cooler if people actually read it. so, i guess that's an open invite folks.

i have officially decided to blame some of my problems on school. i say this because i don't like the atmosphere of that place. people have so much control over you and i feel like it's just one big competition that i just can't compete in anymore. i wanna be able to do the things i wanna do without worrying about how well other people are doing them. i guess...

we had a second "cold" day today, and, since i got most of my homework done yesterday, i'm gonna head over to austin's house today to spend time with the coolest kid in the universe. =]

Tripping Eyes And Flooded Longues

we are getting our kitchen remoldeled right now. it's the most inconvenient thing in the world, let me tell ya. for about a month, or however long it takes the guy to do it, we can't go about regular kitchen functions like washing dishes, cooking, and whatnot. it kinda sucks. also, he's going to be tearing out the walls and shiz which means it's gonna be super cold in our house and dusty from the drywall. the only good thing is the end result i guess.

mmm so my sick symptoms have gone from sore throat and cough to head congestion and sneezing. i can't decide which is worse; feeling like your throat is bleeding, or feeling like your head is about to explode.

we had another "cold" day today. this is very good for me cuz i totally procrastinated a lot of things and i needed the time to get it done. cept i keep procrastinating right now and i can't concentrate because of my head. i'm getting ticked off.

semester exams are next week. i haven't studied much at all. watch me fail epicly.

i'm trying hard to improve the things that have been bothering me lately. the two main things i need to do: redirect my focus and organize my priorites-start talking to people more because i can't do everything on my own. no matter how much i think i can pull thru without any outside help, it's just ruining me more and more. it just takes time to learn these things.

Reactions Over Resolutions

mmm so it's the new year and i'm pretty dissapointed in myself. i didn't bother to make any new years resolutions or shit like that. i coulda used to do that also. i have a lot to improve on, but oh well. =/

my new years eve was pretty kickass =] me and katie went over to austins house to hang out with him and his friends. it was a pretty stellar time. lots of yelling, some partial nudity, phonebook ripping and burning, walking in the extreme cold, blanket adventures. i liked it a whole lot ^_^

today is the last day of winter break and i am less than enthused. once we get back to school i have to start studying for semester exams and i think i'm going to do horrible =[ also, i procrastinated on some shit over break which means i'm going to have to haul ass in order to get it done in time. i piss myself off. i wanted to spend a large portion of my break hanging out with people which was cool, but i had a lot of empty space in between that i just wasted and now i'm fucked >=/

i've been feeling sick a lot lately. i get stomach aches pretty much everyday. but i'm too stubborn to go to the doctor cuz i'm scared shitless of hospitals.

i don't know if i've mentioned this already, but i am definitely ready for some spring action. i love winter, i really do, but the gray skies and the constant coldness just got boring to me. i need sun and grass and bright thriving colors. just as long as it isn't too hot =]

so i'm gonna be going with austin pretty soon here to take his posse back home. haha i actually find myself wishing that they lived here. as crazy and loud as they may be, they are some cool kids =] AND I MISS AUSTIN LIKE HELL! so i NEED this trip [=

So...

i've lost my luster
i'm running out of interesting things to say
boooooo

mmm so i cannot wait for christmas =]
or new years eve/new years
or tomorrow
or friday

tomorrow i'm going to katie's house to play some wii and whatnot. i miss her to the extreme! but i'm sooooo happy that winter break is here. i get bored with people and things easily so school was seriously starting to piss me off. i thought i was going to burn that shit down if i had to stay another second longer. i really did need a break. so yes, tuesday, cannot wait =]

then christmas! i can't wait to open my presents! haha i made a pretty detailed list this year and i think people got me some nice presents for once this year so i can't wait.

friday! i'm going to go see a movie with austin. there's this one called the spirit [http://mycityscreams.com/] that i think looks really awesome. i'm pumped.

new years! me and katie are going to go to austin's house for a lil get together. he has three of his friends coming down from greenbay/de pere and i'm really excited to meet them but i'm also nervous cuz i think they might find me dorky. haha! i could care less. ugh it's gonna be a blast.

okay okay. backtracking a lil bit. we had a snow day friday and i was ecstatic. it was a really good thing too, because my hair straightener broke that morning and i was about to go into cardiac arrest. so, i made an emergency trip to target and got this really cool hair straightener that is my favorite color of blue =] i had a hard time throwing away my other one tho because it was a really nice hair straightener and i have no idea how it busted. any who, i also got this amazing pair of super yellow sunglasses. haha i wore them today cuz it's really sunny outside. i love target. live savers.

lots of things to look forward to =]

Nightmares Are For Dreamers

dreams come when you're in a very light sleep. when you're not too exhausted so your mind can still function. i guess i've just been far too tired lately, because i haven't dreamt in forever. the last dream i had was about this girl whom i hate with a passion becoming my step-sister and then all of a sudden she was cool. such a shame she couldn't become cool in real life also. never mind. to be frank among the commencement, i want to have a nightmare. for pure adrenaline purposes. i wouldn't call myself an adrenaline junkie or anything severe like that, i just enjoy the thrill. i wish my mind was like a horror movie when i slept. either that or a romance novel. lmao XD i'm trying to be serious here.

the weather outside is pleasing to me now. the sky reminds me of winter the way that it is so white with clouds and the air is thin and chill. yet, the ground reminds me of autumn because it is littered with orange and red leaves that provide a satisfying crunch when your feet stomp them to smithereens. the trees are somewhere in between. a majority of them are bare and bony. however, a few are still sprinkled with tiny, shriveling leaves. i like it. winter hasn't completely taken over. soon though. very soon.

i realized a few days ago that my music taste or preference tends the change along with the seasons. most obviously, this summer i was very into pop/punk/dance whatnot. but now that the skies have darkened, i'm leaning more towards rock/screamo/hardcore. those are horrible examples of the genres i listen to. my favorite way to summarize my music is with one simple word: alternative. but, i had to compare and contrast here. any who, my preference is for dark and dreary and dismal rather than what it was in the summer bright and bouncy and bodacious. i like this change though. not like i'm forgetting my other artists or anything like that. they just aren't on my most played playlist. =]