the thunder

june 11th, 2009: my freshman year of highschool ended. i can't believe i survived. in all honesty, high school was different in a lot of ways. for one thing, it was a lot less scary than i imagined as far as teachers and getting lost go. seriously, shit was kinda easy. however, people weren't. as usual, people will always change throughout the years. a majority of my friends changed clothes and friends and whatnot. good to say that personalities didn't differ by too much. i met a lot of cool people. some were people i knew before but never got a chance to click with. some were people i never thought i would have a chance with. some were just people i thought were funny (farmer emo kid). least to say, my first year of high school didn't kill me. i can't say that i've changed a drastic amount or anything like that but i have improved in some ways. i've kept a relationship with most of my close friends (exception to those who went to the other high school in town) and i've kept a boyfriend for over six months now. i took some hard classes, some being harder than others with better teachers than others, and i managed to get no lower than a B+ in all of them. so what if i didn't get a 4.0 like some people. i won't graduate valedictorian or be head of my class. however, i am happy with how i performed and i challenged myself to the fullest extent that i could.

not only did i do good as far as academics and friends, i also took a lot of time to figure myself out. i now have a great idea of what i want to do in my future. also, i know my place in high school. i am far from a popular kid. i don't do the whole american eagle, ambercrombie, hollister junk. i never will. at the same time, i don't live at pac sun and hot topic anymore haha. i'm not preppy, i'm not emo, i'm not a hick, i'm not a geek. in fact, i don't think i'm much of anybody. i'm kind of artsy in my own lil way. one day i'll wear something cute, one day will just be tank tops, another will be band tshirts. i still love my skinny jeans. i've picked up on the flip flops thing but i still love vans slip ons and chuck taylors in the fall and winter =]. i'm still who i was before and then some. i've extended myself. i may not be known all throughout the school. i'm not in band and i don't do the school plays like a lot of my friends. but i don't care. i like who i am. i don't need a lot of people to know my name. i don't need a lot of friends who only talk to me because of the clothes i wear. i'm happy with my nobody status as long as i know my friends are true and always there for me.

high school. i can't find any way to describe it besides life changing and i'm only one year thru. i didn't freak out like i thought i was going to and i tried my best to not let the pressure get to me like i know A LOT of kids did. my next three years i know what to expect and i know i'm going to do well no matter how much i worry about grades or fitting in and all that junk. i think i've got a pretty good grip on things.

this year was my first year in a while that i was begging for summer to come. even tho high school was fun and all, it is a lot of pressure and work. this summer i don't have a dumb pushy show choir to worry about. i've got a boyfriend to spend time with and a best friend to catch up with =]. i've also got a huge stack of books waiting to get read and an art portfolio waiting to be created. possibly i'll attempt some photography or work on my tan lol. all i know is i'm gonna relax and take some time for me as well as keeping in touch with people.

high school...

Tripping Eyes And Flooded Longues

we are getting our kitchen remoldeled right now. it's the most inconvenient thing in the world, let me tell ya. for about a month, or however long it takes the guy to do it, we can't go about regular kitchen functions like washing dishes, cooking, and whatnot. it kinda sucks. also, he's going to be tearing out the walls and shiz which means it's gonna be super cold in our house and dusty from the drywall. the only good thing is the end result i guess.

mmm so my sick symptoms have gone from sore throat and cough to head congestion and sneezing. i can't decide which is worse; feeling like your throat is bleeding, or feeling like your head is about to explode.

we had another "cold" day today. this is very good for me cuz i totally procrastinated a lot of things and i needed the time to get it done. cept i keep procrastinating right now and i can't concentrate because of my head. i'm getting ticked off.

semester exams are next week. i haven't studied much at all. watch me fail epicly.

i'm trying hard to improve the things that have been bothering me lately. the two main things i need to do: redirect my focus and organize my priorites-start talking to people more because i can't do everything on my own. no matter how much i think i can pull thru without any outside help, it's just ruining me more and more. it just takes time to learn these things.

I Thought I Loved You-It Was Just How You Looked In The Light

so...
damn what comes after that?
..........

hm let's start with something simple.
my most wonderful and amazing love, austin, ordered me some posters =] lol i was constantly complaining about how i needed an Aiden poster since those guys are gods. so this kid went and ordered me an Aiden poster AND a Gym Class Heroes poster. wow how cool is he? ugh i just don't measure up. i need to give him something in return. like the new The Number 12 Looks Like You cd and the new Drop Dead, Gorgeous cd. =] hopefully that'll be enuf to return the favor. fuck yeah, an Aiden poster is a huge deal.

mmm my problem from my last post isn't completely resolved. however, i've been feeling a lot better lately. in an emotional sense. physically, i'm sick with a sore throat and cough. also, i think i have stomach ulcers. i get stomach aches daily and it's usually a sharp stabbing pain. cept i'm not sure if it's stomach ulcers or something else. cuz there will be times where it doesn't hurt much at all or it only hurts for like an hour a day or not even every day. does it need to be consistent pain in order for it to be stomach ulcers? ugh

i envy any kid who has a good relationship with their parents. me and my dad have just grown apart. he missed the major part of my life so we basically don't know eachother at all. no big deal i guess since i'm getting used to it. one thing i can't get used to is my mom's constant bitching. it's only getting worse. she yells at me for everything. she thinks that just cuz she's an adult means she's always right. she is over controlling and always tries to tell people how they should be living their lives. the yelling never stops. and it sucks. i know it's harsh and everything, but i don't like her at all. not the way she is now. not at all.

oh! and me and katie need to hit up the AP Tour again this year cuz guess whose coming?
3OH!3
Hit The Lights
The Maine
A Rocket To The Moon
and Family Force 5

even tho i only listen to the first three bands, i've heard that the other two are pretty good. so we are going!

It's What's Goin Down

alrighty, so i just took this lil life expectancy test. it was a small assignment for my healthy class. i guess right now i'm gonna live to about 63. however, if i go to some sort of graduate school, i'll live to be around 66. weird how education affects that sort of thing. that's really not that long. prolly cuz i never exercise. but i don't smoke or drink. i hate to say it but i think that thing is a bunch of bulls***. sorry =/

school started september 2nd. tbqh, i really wasn't scared at all. i didn't get lost the first day. so far my classes aren't obnoxiously hard or anything. chemistry is prolly my least favorite. i wish i knew more people in my class cuz now my lab partner is sorta a ditz. that doesn't matter much. english is my favorite. definitly. i'm getting a good dose of homework daily so that's kinda bleh. overall, highschool isn't that bad but it's also not a thrill. it's just school. =]

and i'm a wee bit excited right now. so the cobra starship, forever the sickest kids, hit the lights and sing it loud tour is coming around and my mom is actually considering taking me and katie. she just has to look at tickets and everything. she said she'll maybe take us as long as we don't banish her to a corner. even tho i can be mean to my mom sometimes, i don't think i would do that to her. she might almost be a hot guy repelant but why should she sit in the dark while we have the time of our lives? it just doesn't seem fair.
ugh! idk why i'm talking about this so much but just wait katie. i'm hoping my mom will decide this week. k? you order the tickets and i'll pay you back. =D

a lot of my friends are acting sorta different now that school has started. i used to text my friend alex all the time and now he seems like he's annoyed by me. =/ and jocelyn has become a major drama queen. she's taking quite some time to adjust to highschool. and zac, i used to hate him a lot but last saturday he was really really nice to me so now i guess i don't care anymore. i can't think of any more right now.

i should get to doing my homework cuz i do have a lot of it. woo! i'll get right on that...eventually =]