Reactions Over Resolutions

mmm so it's the new year and i'm pretty dissapointed in myself. i didn't bother to make any new years resolutions or shit like that. i coulda used to do that also. i have a lot to improve on, but oh well. =/

my new years eve was pretty kickass =] me and katie went over to austins house to hang out with him and his friends. it was a pretty stellar time. lots of yelling, some partial nudity, phonebook ripping and burning, walking in the extreme cold, blanket adventures. i liked it a whole lot ^_^

today is the last day of winter break and i am less than enthused. once we get back to school i have to start studying for semester exams and i think i'm going to do horrible =[ also, i procrastinated on some shit over break which means i'm going to have to haul ass in order to get it done in time. i piss myself off. i wanted to spend a large portion of my break hanging out with people which was cool, but i had a lot of empty space in between that i just wasted and now i'm fucked >=/

i've been feeling sick a lot lately. i get stomach aches pretty much everyday. but i'm too stubborn to go to the doctor cuz i'm scared shitless of hospitals.

i don't know if i've mentioned this already, but i am definitely ready for some spring action. i love winter, i really do, but the gray skies and the constant coldness just got boring to me. i need sun and grass and bright thriving colors. just as long as it isn't too hot =]

so i'm gonna be going with austin pretty soon here to take his posse back home. haha i actually find myself wishing that they lived here. as crazy and loud as they may be, they are some cool kids =] AND I MISS AUSTIN LIKE HELL! so i NEED this trip [=

Today's Not Over If Tomorrow's Still The Word You Use

winter break has been going pretty okay. could be a tad more exciting or fun, but i can't do much about that.

christmas was nice. i got a few shirts that i really like. a sweatshirt. some random jewelery. a new i pod, which i was not expecting at all. however, my favorite gifts included a cute wind up dinosaur from katie. and a super pretty necklace from austin ^_^ besides all the gifts, it was a usual christmas. i didn't do much all day except go to my grandparents' house and help make dinner. all my aunts and uncles and cousins came over and we just spent some time together. same as every year. i think next year i would like to do something small. no big traditions. no huge dinner. i don't even want it to be all about gifts. i just wanna spend time with all of my favorite people. and i want the sun to be shining =]

i'm pretty excited for new years eve to come. i went with austin and his dad yesterday on a roadtrip. we trucked all the way up to oshkosh to meet austin's friends from greenbay/de pere. haha i'll admit that they are some crazy awesome kids. they made me laugh a lot. me and katie are going to go over to austin's house on new years eve to chillax with him and his friends. it going to be pretty simple and fun. =] i just can't wait to see my two favest people in the universe.
so i can't stand one minute away from this boy. it's pretty obnoxious how much i really love him. he's real. he doesn't try to be someone he's not. he's funny and entertaining. he's way too sweet =] and i have no idea how i got so lucky. honestly. ♥austin belke

i'm in the process of not enjoying either of my parents. my dad just isn't a dad. my mom is too controlling. both of them seem to make decisions based on how happy they are. it's like they have forgotten their kids. my dad still drinks. my mom yells all the time. one step forward, three leaps back.

so, winter break has been pretty okay. in my opinion, i haven't been getting out enuf. but, i blame that on my overcontrolling mother who can't trust me worth shit. it's cool. with the few days that i have left, i still need to get all my shit done for school cuz i like to procrastinate. story of my life. at least it's been sunny the past two days =] it keeps a smile on my face.

So...

i've lost my luster
i'm running out of interesting things to say
boooooo

mmm so i cannot wait for christmas =]
or new years eve/new years
or tomorrow
or friday

tomorrow i'm going to katie's house to play some wii and whatnot. i miss her to the extreme! but i'm sooooo happy that winter break is here. i get bored with people and things easily so school was seriously starting to piss me off. i thought i was going to burn that shit down if i had to stay another second longer. i really did need a break. so yes, tuesday, cannot wait =]

then christmas! i can't wait to open my presents! haha i made a pretty detailed list this year and i think people got me some nice presents for once this year so i can't wait.

friday! i'm going to go see a movie with austin. there's this one called the spirit [http://mycityscreams.com/] that i think looks really awesome. i'm pumped.

new years! me and katie are going to go to austin's house for a lil get together. he has three of his friends coming down from greenbay/de pere and i'm really excited to meet them but i'm also nervous cuz i think they might find me dorky. haha! i could care less. ugh it's gonna be a blast.

okay okay. backtracking a lil bit. we had a snow day friday and i was ecstatic. it was a really good thing too, because my hair straightener broke that morning and i was about to go into cardiac arrest. so, i made an emergency trip to target and got this really cool hair straightener that is my favorite color of blue =] i had a hard time throwing away my other one tho because it was a really nice hair straightener and i have no idea how it busted. any who, i also got this amazing pair of super yellow sunglasses. haha i wore them today cuz it's really sunny outside. i love target. live savers.

lots of things to look forward to =]

Destination: Setting Sun

i sometimes wish i didn't steal most of my blog titles from songs. especially when i don't remember what song i stole it from. this one is from a song by The Academy Is... off their newest album. it reminds me of The Matches. if your name is katie biester then i'm sure you're catching my drift.

we had a snow day today =] i can't decide if i enjoy this or not. i really like snow, but not when it's a shitload of snow. plus, this means i can't see austin today [or any of my other friends of course]. however, i get to listen to music all day and catch up on some things like blogging and reading and watching tv. haha cuz i never get a chance to do those things anymore. i swear, i went almost a month without listening to my ipod. that's crazy business.

speaking of austin, me and him are going to see a movie this weekend. our plans still aren't final like about what we are seeing and whatnot. he's such a sweet kid tho. he offered to pick me up and take me home and pay for everything. haha ^_^ alas, my mom is being kinda prudish about the whole thing. she won't let him pick me up and drop me off. she's gonna drop me off at the theater and pick me up when the movie is done. which sucks cuz we wanted to go to the mall afterwards and chill. but she said no to that. she also said no to us hanging out today cuz she doesn't know him enuf and she can't trust me apparently. i'm kinda scared that he might break up with me if my mom is constantly telling me i can't hang out with him. ugh!

i don't but i do understand why PDA bothers a lot of people. yeah, public displays of affection can gross some people out but i've never seen it as such a big deal. honestly, a hug and a kiss or two is nothing to censor. haha maybe it's cuz i participate in PDA. yesterday after school me and austin stood at my locker hugging and whatnot for the longest time. not like we were making out. i wouldn't do that in public. all i'm saying is that people need to stop being so stuck up about things. live a little.

haha this kid makes me happy. no syke. i'm excited for christmas break. on my list of people to spend time with: katie, jocelyn, and austin. i might wanna do something with tai if she wants to do something with me. i haven't hung out with jocelyn in a while. that makes me sad. i love hanging out with katie and i hope she wants me over at her house cuz i plan on going over there either way =] haha i'm just playing. and of course i wanna hang with austin. i'm gonna get him UnderOath's new album [deluxe edition hopefully] for christmas cuz i'm not making it to a hot topic anytime soon and i know he is really into them and doesn't have that cd yet. he asked me what i want but i keep saying he doesn't need to get me anything cuz i always feel awkward when people other than my family give me gifts. idk y. i also need to get jocelyn something but i'm not sure what. hmhm

i have no idea why my art class is so eventful. a few days ago i mentioned to my teacher that i might want to be an art therapist and i guess she is really into that. she showed me her entire display of "art therapy" drawings in the hallway then she did a picture for me and let me work out my problems. i ended up feeling really good after that. and in fact, i managed to work out that problem so i'm really happy. i'm gonna tell her all about it tomorrow if we have school. anyway, so after that tai wanted me to do some art therapy for her so i could get some practice. i did and she and my teacher said it was a very good start. i'm still not sure if that's exactly what i wanna do but at least i know that i've got some support going. i think my art teacher is turning into my favorite teacher. she reminds me of mrs. semrad in some ways minus the strict boundaries.

mmm i've been really happy lately =]

"I'm really not as stubborn as I seem," said the knuckle to the concrete

art class was a bitch today because my wonderful teacher told me i was doing my self portrait wrong. not like i didn't already know this, but i was hoping she wouldn't point it out. apparently, i'm really good at using lines but now i need to create valuse instead of lines with the charcoal. it's such a freeing experience. i'll feel great once i'm done. lmao idk what i think about that woman.

i got my backseat goodbye shiz came yesterday like i knew it would. i hung up my mini poster and wore my shirt today. =]

i wish i had more to write about but i kinda don't lol
the real highlight of my day was that austin asked me out this morning. =] i was kinda caught off gaurd cuz i didn't think it would happen that fast. but of course i said yes and now i'm really happy. but i did the whole thing where i acted really shy and whatnot around him. i'll fix that =] he's really sweet. he walked me to a lot of my classes and held my hand ^_^ lol and he asked for my number and he's texting me right now. i'm a happy camper you guys.

Someday I Will Wake Up And Realize I Made Up Everything

Question: how long does it take for someone to recover from an appendectomy?
Answer: approximately a week

that's important shit to know =] so yeah, austin was back at school, for which i was ecstatic. haha it was the usual day. cept when i went with tai and her friend jessie to her 7th hour [so i could visit austin cuz that's his class also] he was totally trying to make conversation. like asking me and tai what we were up to. i guess we were looking kinda suspicious. lol but then when we went to go and leave, this weird kid angel stopped me right by austin and told everyone that i was his best friend. i was just like "ugh i am not your best friend, angel" but yeah so right as i was bumping past austin ^_^ angel told him, "hey, she has a crush on you" and austin was all like, "oh does she?" and i bolted out that door haha! so idk if that was helping or hurting on angel's behalf but that kid is a weirdo. and i never got a chance to tell austin that i missed him while he was gone, but i think that's okay.

also, i ordered my backseat goodbye stuff on friday maybe, so it should be coming any day now. and i ordered my twloha shirt yesterday but it's on back order so i won't get if for a lil under a month. that will be like a late christmas present. but i'm super excited to get my backseat goodbye stuff! =D

in other news, it snowed on sunday and i was very happy about that. except it wasn't sunny outside today so i didn't get to see the snow glisten. everyone wants a snow day but i'm all like "no way" cuz for some odd reason i like going to school =]

Tragedy Bound

um i don't think i really know exactly what to talk about in this post. well, i'll start off by saying that i ordered all of my backseat goodbye stuff and i hope it comes very soon. also, today was very depressing yet fun at the same time. that's kinda how all of my days are lately. something will be bothering me a whole lot, but then my friends will usually provide some unintentional comic relief and i feel better.

my birthday was sunday and there isn't really anything to report about on that day. however, i'm obnoxiously upset about the fact that i've only been sent one birthday card. that shows how much my family cares. i was previously informed that a majority of them don't even know when my birthday is anyway. lovely.

austin, whom i have spoken of before, wasn't at school today. i was slightly upset by this cuz i hardly get to see him, but i was willing to live thru it. however, i found out in art class that he almost died the night before and had to have an emergency operation to remove his appendix. it's good to know that he is still in the hospital but doing well. i was also willing to live thru that. on the contrary, i realized that i'm not close to him at all and will probably never be. there i go giving up again but it's kinda true. we don't have any classes together and we never actually talk. i also discovered today that he had previously gone out with samantha fucking campbell. that's real nice. so i'm not his type anyway. i really don't think people take me seriously when i say that i like him or when i talk about him. they just dismiss it like some childish crush. oh how wonderful.

also during art class today, as i was being down about my new revelations, my art teacher found it necessary to have a tough love speech with me. i am a very slow worker in that class mostly because i never want to work. i'm always too busy thinking about everything else. she basically told me that i needed to stop looking around and comparing myself to everyone else because i have talent but that talent doesn't matter if i'm not willing to put forth the effort and i will be graded according to that. beautiful beautiful. i wanted to cry. i literally had to take a few seconds to compose myself. she's the kind of teacher that pushes the kids that she sees potential in but everyone else gets to have a free for all and do what they want. in some ways she can be like a mother to me. the tough love thing. and i don't think i've ever had a teacher tell me how good i am at something and tell me not to throw it away. especially at something that i really do want to excel in. she was kinda right. if i don't stop comparing myself to everyone else then i'm going to end up throwing away everything.

it was truly a horrible day for me. that is, until i got to english class and me and katie laughed away the entire hour. she's always the person to put me in a good mood. no psych.