Tragedy Bound

um i don't think i really know exactly what to talk about in this post. well, i'll start off by saying that i ordered all of my backseat goodbye stuff and i hope it comes very soon. also, today was very depressing yet fun at the same time. that's kinda how all of my days are lately. something will be bothering me a whole lot, but then my friends will usually provide some unintentional comic relief and i feel better.

my birthday was sunday and there isn't really anything to report about on that day. however, i'm obnoxiously upset about the fact that i've only been sent one birthday card. that shows how much my family cares. i was previously informed that a majority of them don't even know when my birthday is anyway. lovely.

austin, whom i have spoken of before, wasn't at school today. i was slightly upset by this cuz i hardly get to see him, but i was willing to live thru it. however, i found out in art class that he almost died the night before and had to have an emergency operation to remove his appendix. it's good to know that he is still in the hospital but doing well. i was also willing to live thru that. on the contrary, i realized that i'm not close to him at all and will probably never be. there i go giving up again but it's kinda true. we don't have any classes together and we never actually talk. i also discovered today that he had previously gone out with samantha fucking campbell. that's real nice. so i'm not his type anyway. i really don't think people take me seriously when i say that i like him or when i talk about him. they just dismiss it like some childish crush. oh how wonderful.

also during art class today, as i was being down about my new revelations, my art teacher found it necessary to have a tough love speech with me. i am a very slow worker in that class mostly because i never want to work. i'm always too busy thinking about everything else. she basically told me that i needed to stop looking around and comparing myself to everyone else because i have talent but that talent doesn't matter if i'm not willing to put forth the effort and i will be graded according to that. beautiful beautiful. i wanted to cry. i literally had to take a few seconds to compose myself. she's the kind of teacher that pushes the kids that she sees potential in but everyone else gets to have a free for all and do what they want. in some ways she can be like a mother to me. the tough love thing. and i don't think i've ever had a teacher tell me how good i am at something and tell me not to throw it away. especially at something that i really do want to excel in. she was kinda right. if i don't stop comparing myself to everyone else then i'm going to end up throwing away everything.

it was truly a horrible day for me. that is, until i got to english class and me and katie laughed away the entire hour. she's always the person to put me in a good mood. no psych.