life is a perception of your own reality

i couldnt think of any title that really suited what i wanted to say here so i just picked something that sounded cool. it may or may not work. i really dont care.
so me and josh, or joshy as i call him, have finally gotten a chance to get to know each other outside of our problems. i enjoy him now. hes into pretty decent music. pretty open to what other people like as far as music goes. he is pretty fun to talk to when he isnt upset. he has the same cute and quirky personality traits that i have. it makes me smile. we have a lot in common. its been nice having someone who can understand the way that i feel. but i need to get some friends that are girls. guys just seem easier to talk to. however, i am not one of the guys. i am a girl. i need girly friends. hell, im going to an all girls college. i neeeeed female friends.
the rest of october is rather eventful for me. this friday, monday, and tuesday we will be dissecting lil pig fetuses. not excited. i have that class right after lunch. i might throw up. or cry. or both. next tuesday i start counseling. im scared. so so so scared. next wednesday is the say anything concert. i so badly wish i could have you to share that experience with me. next thursday and friday we have off of school which im greatly happy about. next saturday is a hockey game. then, its halloween. im not sure im really that excited about any of these things. i just cant get over the fact that i would enjoy these things a lot more if you were here.
i have a lovely second degree burn on the back of my hand and it is annoying me so much. its going to leave the worst scar. it looks terrible.
silly ashley fact number one: when i go out to eat, i eat just enough so there isnt enough food to take home for leftovers. i hate taking home food from restaurants.
silly ashley fact number two: i occasionally snort when i laugh. especially when i am laying down.
i have the beginning episodes of the second season of true blood sitting on top of my tv. i wish i could find time to watch them. i dont feel like i have much time for anything these days.
i fall asleep with frankie in my arms every night lately. ive gotten over the fact that his horn occasionally pokes me in the eye. he is a really good cuddle buddy =] and i still listen to your mix cd quite often. ive finally gotten to the point where im not as sad when i think about you. im more on the happy side. p.s. the rocket summer is amazing. i found out that bryce avary has been married for five years to his long time high school girlfriend. i was both bummed and enlightened at the same time. all of his songs relate to real life issues. these are things that he has been through. he made it through all of the rough times and fights and break ups with his sweetie, tara. now, they are happily married and the cutest couple in the universe. damn that bitch for being so pretty and perfect. i totally bought a the rocket summer tshirt from her at warped tour. anywho, it gave me hope in a way. clearly, we arent the only people who experience these things. i wish you could hear every song and get out of them what i do. they really do speak to the way that we feel and a lot of the things that we go through.
im forgetting everything that i wanted to talk about again.
teenhelp.org is set up the exact same way that the flashflashrevolution forum stuff is set up. it annoys me to no end. sometimes, i forget what website i am on. i dont like those sort of things.
i cant help but be impatient for us getting back together. im not going to rush you. i just cant wait to be happy with you again. honestly, i think you will be pleasantly surprised. im already feeling better about things. im already realizing where ive gone wrong and where i need to make improvements. im open to the new life that is ahead of me. im finally ready to live without my insecurities and problems holding me back. im not going to change right away though. im still going to slip up right away. im not sure if i can fully explain how this feels. the fact that im ready to move on and finally start living and being happy, it feels good. i think youll be happy. i hope you will be. i hope you will move on from the past like im trying to do. i hope you will try to make improvements like i am doing. i really do think we have good things in our future. i cant wait to start again with you.
i miss you. i need you. i love you.