warped

this is my offial 101 post. i wish i would have noticed 100 but oh well i'm a little late.
anywho
yesterday was pretty much one of the best days of my life
after two terrible years, i finally got to go to van's warped tour in milwaukee, wisconsin. and oh my dear lord i could cry it was that amazing. list of bands we saw: underoath, a day to remember, attack attack!, the devil wears prada, cash cash, p.o.s., chiodos, aiden, and 3oh!3. that's only 9 bands out of the 69 that were there haha. i also got a chance to hear a bit of there for tomorrow, tv/tv, gallows, and escape the fate. i swear to god i almost died during the underoath concert. it was the first one we went to at like 11:15 in the morning. yeah, nothing like death that early =] right when the concert started, all the people from behind us rushed forward and shoved us into the center. it sucked ass there. first, my shoe fucking fell off and got trampled 5 feet in front of my which forced me more into the center. then, there were kids smoking pot which i thought was hilarious. i almost died of a panic attack because i literally cannot stand that many people being close to me. luckily, we pulled out and everything was great...til it started to rain haha god loves us. underoath sounds the same in concert as they do on the cds and it was the greatest experience ever.

a day to remember would have been just as good, if i could have seen the fucking concert. apparently, only tall people like them. thank god for boyfriends who let their girlfriends sit on the shoulders for a few songs. the best part of that show was watching some drunk kid climb a fence then plinko down some bleachers that were stacked on the other side XD i felt bad but hey, don't be dumb kids. also, some kid with a broken arm was like shoving people in a mosh pit then he got elbowed in the eye and the entire thing went bloodshot. it was gross but interesting. i loved that show A LOT.

attack attack! and the devil wears prada were both good but i don't know their music a lot and we left about halfway through each show so we could see other ones. cash cash, those poor boys have an amazing cd but they suck live. i think they were too focused on hyping the crowd of mostly girls. p.o.s. is probaly the most amazing guy in the entire universe. he was the only black rapper there but he made up for it by literally going into the crowd and singing. plus. his songs are so real and meaningful. PLUS PLUS! i saw him leaving the marcus amphitheater and he totally stopped to sign jordan's poster, austin's poster, and my shoe (the exact one i had almost lost like 4 hours priar).

craigery owens is the sexiest man in the entire universe, maybe. he's an angel who can blast the craziest fucking scream everrr. i wanna fuck him a million times. basically, the chiodos set was top fucking notch. they broke my chemical romances' record of 60 people crowd surfing in one minute which i laughed at. those poor security gaurds. aiden, aiden, aiden. the band i was thinking about all day. the band i would die for. the band i actually cried for. the band who got stuck on the smallest stage there but had a gnarly sized crowd. i was about 3 or 4 feet away from the stage. i almost touched wiL francis. i sung to every song. did i mention i cried? i got spit on by the guitar player...multiple times and didn't want to wash it off this morning haha. i cried. i could have gotten to meet the band but noooo austin wanted to hurry up and meet up with jordan and jasmine who went to go see forever the sickest kids. that was a joke because apparently there were so many kids there that they couldn't even get into the marcus amphitheater. lmao. anywho, i sacrificed seeing ftsk for the third time just so i could see aiden but it was worth it. and even though we ditched on meeting the band, that's when we got to meet p.o.s. so i guess it's okay.

the last band we saw was 3oh!3 and in all honesty, i would have rather seen madina lake. 3oh!3 played on the main stage and there were so many people there it was crazy. prolly everyone in the entire state and then some were there. also, they aren't the best live...i'm sorry 3oh!3, i love you still.

so yeah. best day of my life. i still can't believe i went. it was yesterday but it seems like it was a month ago. it all went by so fast and i feel like i'm going to forget it. i'm tired as fuck now. totally beat. the ride home was absolutely terrible XD we were all kinda hyper. good thing for jasmine's mom, she's mostly deaf.

i wanna rewind and do it again

the distance grows as the ground approaches

yesterday, i went to the mall with my mom, my boyfriend, and his mom. they had this store called furry babies. i thought it was like a stuffed animal place but when we walked past it had puppies! in cribs!! not from puppy mills!!! i got to hold a miniature husky. she fell asleep in my arms and it broke my heart that i couldn't take her home. i'm definitely going to get a husky when i get older. i'm gonna give it a badass vampire name haha. don't ask. i also want a bulldog named Chub Chub. and a mutt =] and a kitty named Olysaurus. awww animals are cute.

the only thing that sucked about the mall was that i didn't have any money. all i had was 17 dollars in quarters that skyler gave me to buy him gauges. boy, the guy at hot topic, chase, really loved that. literally, he was laughing the whole time. i love people that work there.

sooooo, this week is going to be THEEE most kickass week ever known to mankind. first off, i'm going to be chilling with the girls at the fair, riding rides for a flat fee of 25 dollars =] then i'm also gonna see some of my girlies at my mom's company picnic. may not seem like fun but it really is. also, the best news EVERRR, i'm going to warped tour!!!!!! ahhh!! so, originally, austin's mom was supposed to take us but then she got a new job and had to do training that day so i was bummed as fucking bum fuck egypt. basically, i was not a happy camper. however, two days ago this amazing girl named jasmine who is the girlfriend of this amazing boy named jordan offered to let me and austin come with them to warped tour since her mom was driving and they had two extra seats. yay! austin's mom bought tickets and we are going this thursday!!! god, i've been waiting three years for this =] i swear i'm going to cry for days when i see aiden. no syke.

ahhh i've been alright lately. my three photography projects got first place. one was up for a higher award along with 134 other projects. sadly, it didn't get anything. but, my two drawings also got first place and one of those is up for a higher award. i shall have to see soon what it gets. i also have to wait and see what my curtains and popcan candle holder get.

fair is probably one of my favorite times of the year. yet, it is also a sign that summer is wrapping up. i just need to make the most of the time that is left.

tahdah!

like i said, there were 70 pictures to choose from. this is only 15. my second attempt at photography. tell me what you think?

happy pants

so i recently got my two photography projects done =] i did one at olbrich botanical gardens in madtown. i think i got some pretty alright flower shots. i need to narrow that down to five pics. also, i did my portrait project with austin ^_^ at riverside park by my house. we took them right by the river. i need to pick my favorite one of those. all together, i took 70 pictures. a holy fucking lot of them. i'm only going to post my faves on here sometime soon cuz i am really proud of them. as far as my drawing goes, don't expect to be seeing any of that on here. i wish drawing was as fast as taking pictures. but whatever.

on another note, i'm not so stressed out about stuff anymore. skyler, kinda annoying after a while. candice, just another drama queen who can say whatever she wants. and i barely remember what else was bothering me. also, the doctor gave me some acid reflux pills that are totally helping. let's just hope i don't gain weight from all this eating.

so last week, i hung out with austin for like 4 days straight. it was kinda amazing. tonight, i'm going to see west side story with my bestie, katie. a shit ton of people i know are in it. be sure to look for my pictures soon. please tell me what you think. =] that's all for now. i don't actually have any really big stories. that's what happens in the summer. toodles.

egad!

so, i completely lied about posting more often. turns out i have a life. or something remotely close to that. yeah.

things in life so far
boring as hell
slightly more dramatic than i please
and yeah

i hate sitting around all the time. miss kaitlyn is in italy. i'm happy for her. jocelyn has just arrived in new york. oh dearie. i have not left wisconsin. it's only been like 2 and a half weeks since school ended. it already seems like summer is ending. in these past 2 and a half weeks, i have not read nearly as much as i said i would, i have not written anything new as far as poetry or stories go, and i just recently started drawing again...today. oh self...what is wrong?

it all began when austin's friend candice from greenbay started telling everyone how much she hated me cuz i'm stealing austin from all of his friends. my way of helping the situation was to write a lovely lil letter to her. hmmm. things didn't work out and it's been bothering me ever since. then, on father's day (also my brother's graduation party), my most wonderful father decided not to show up. i think that's where i really started to dig my hole. some other stuff might have happened. i cannot recall. recently, i told austin that i've kinda had a crush on his friend skyler for quite some time. that shit has been eating at me all day every day. i wanna smack myself.

on a happy note, i finally started thinking about my projects for 4-H. finally, something to occupy my thougths!

->five color photographs (prolly flowers)
->portrait (prolly austin)
->window treatment (curtains for my dining room)
->item made from recycled material (candle holder from pop cans)
->pastel drawing (pink lily that i did in school...major cheating)
->pencil drawing (white calla lily)

i started the white calla lily drawing today. i really hope it turns out well. i worry so much about my drawings and photography stuff for 4-H because it's stuff that i'm really passionate about and it gets judged so i worry a hella lot about doing well on that shiz. however, i can't wait for the county fair. since i quit the 4-H showchoir i can actually enjoy the fair this year. idk.

ugh skyler. it's so wrong. i don't really think it's much of a crush tho. more of a fascination (like how i explained it to austin). he's year ahead of me in school. i knew him in middle school. he has huge gauges and a tongue piercing. he likes metal and rap. wears a lot of band tees and pants are his favorite. i've always liked guys like that. plus, he has depression issues and stuff...which fits what i like more. but the thing is that i still love austin like there's no tomorrow. yeah, i like skyler's style and he has an amazing personality. however, he isn't exactly the type of guy i would want to spend the rest of my life with. i would just love to be close friends with him and since we text like twice a day that seems like a strong possibility. it seems like i have all of this figured out so why does it still bother me so much? i have no idea.

i wish i had more interesting things to blog about. the problem with me is that i am always willing to help other people with their problems but when it's my turn, i never want to talk. i really need to learn how tho because this shit keeps piling up and i'm letting every little problem turn into something huge.

blah.

END.

the thunder

june 11th, 2009: my freshman year of highschool ended. i can't believe i survived. in all honesty, high school was different in a lot of ways. for one thing, it was a lot less scary than i imagined as far as teachers and getting lost go. seriously, shit was kinda easy. however, people weren't. as usual, people will always change throughout the years. a majority of my friends changed clothes and friends and whatnot. good to say that personalities didn't differ by too much. i met a lot of cool people. some were people i knew before but never got a chance to click with. some were people i never thought i would have a chance with. some were just people i thought were funny (farmer emo kid). least to say, my first year of high school didn't kill me. i can't say that i've changed a drastic amount or anything like that but i have improved in some ways. i've kept a relationship with most of my close friends (exception to those who went to the other high school in town) and i've kept a boyfriend for over six months now. i took some hard classes, some being harder than others with better teachers than others, and i managed to get no lower than a B+ in all of them. so what if i didn't get a 4.0 like some people. i won't graduate valedictorian or be head of my class. however, i am happy with how i performed and i challenged myself to the fullest extent that i could.

not only did i do good as far as academics and friends, i also took a lot of time to figure myself out. i now have a great idea of what i want to do in my future. also, i know my place in high school. i am far from a popular kid. i don't do the whole american eagle, ambercrombie, hollister junk. i never will. at the same time, i don't live at pac sun and hot topic anymore haha. i'm not preppy, i'm not emo, i'm not a hick, i'm not a geek. in fact, i don't think i'm much of anybody. i'm kind of artsy in my own lil way. one day i'll wear something cute, one day will just be tank tops, another will be band tshirts. i still love my skinny jeans. i've picked up on the flip flops thing but i still love vans slip ons and chuck taylors in the fall and winter =]. i'm still who i was before and then some. i've extended myself. i may not be known all throughout the school. i'm not in band and i don't do the school plays like a lot of my friends. but i don't care. i like who i am. i don't need a lot of people to know my name. i don't need a lot of friends who only talk to me because of the clothes i wear. i'm happy with my nobody status as long as i know my friends are true and always there for me.

high school. i can't find any way to describe it besides life changing and i'm only one year thru. i didn't freak out like i thought i was going to and i tried my best to not let the pressure get to me like i know A LOT of kids did. my next three years i know what to expect and i know i'm going to do well no matter how much i worry about grades or fitting in and all that junk. i think i've got a pretty good grip on things.

this year was my first year in a while that i was begging for summer to come. even tho high school was fun and all, it is a lot of pressure and work. this summer i don't have a dumb pushy show choir to worry about. i've got a boyfriend to spend time with and a best friend to catch up with =]. i've also got a huge stack of books waiting to get read and an art portfolio waiting to be created. possibly i'll attempt some photography or work on my tan lol. all i know is i'm gonna relax and take some time for me as well as keeping in touch with people.

high school...

it's been a while

i haven't posted in forever. been caught up in school. however, there shall be lots to come this summer when i actually have time =] in fact, i kinda look forward to blogging again. it's a nice release.

anywho, i changed the name of my blog to "We Are Always Searching" because in all reality, i do not enjoy killing everyone. just some people. plus, i think that fits my mindset at this moment in time. likewise, i changed my url to http://restisforthedead.blogspot.com/ in case you want to visit me that way.

alas, i shall be on my way again but hopefully not for long. look for me in the next two weeks or so =]