oasis

well, its amazing how quickly life can change. its even more amazing how you dont even have to do anything to cause those changes that happen. ive had so much going on in my head lately and ive been craving a place to let it free. sadly, i never found a chance to get on here. and as usual, once i am on here, everything seems to slip away.
michael, i want to start with you because you are constantly on my mind. constantly. you broke my heart. despite the fact that you hurt me beyond belief, i will never once say that i hate you. that is so far from reality. i love you more than ive ever loved anyone. its a different kind of love than ive ever experienced. this pains me so much to talk about. i understand your reasoning behind your actions. i completely get where you were coming from. thats not the part thats eating away at my soul right now. its the fact that you presented me with a chance to get you back and im having to turn it down. truth be told, i depserately want you in my life. i depserately want to be with you. you are one of the most amazing people ive ever met. it amazes me how we clicked so easily. it doesnt take me any effort when i talk to you. you make me smile without even trying. well, not so much anymore. but, thats due to all the emotions and thoughts that im currently preoccupied with. i love you like crazy. and in a perfect world where nothing else mattered, id be in texas in a heartbeat. id transfer colleges, my mom would approve, id live with you, we would eventually get married, id graduate and find a job, so on and so forth, and then we would live happily ever after...but this world isnt perfect like that, michael...ironic how im typing about you now and our song has come on. wonderwall by oasis. i now cry every time i hear this song or any song of theirs. the truth is, i cant pick up and leave wisconsin for you. i cant just throw away everything i have. its not that easy. and this is the part that kills me...i dont want to...i have too many things to worry about right now...i dont want to add to my worries by attempting to move to texas with you...it just cant happen right now and i dont have the guts to actually tell YOU this. instead, im here telling my blog. michael, the sound of your name is literally music to my ears. i love the way it rolls off of my tongue. i love thinking about you. id give anything to get back what we had a month ago...living in our fairytale world we had so many plans to make this work...it all seemed so possible...first, you threw it all away. but then you tried to bring it back and now im the one fucking everything up...id like to blame it on bad timing. this is just an awful time in my life to be moving around and stuff. i dont know...i know i could make it work if i really tried. it would involve a lot of sacrifices...but im just not able to bring myself to do that right now...i cant lose what i have for you...im sorry that this is what it has come to. i just hope you know exactly how much i do love you because my love for you is immense. i dont think it ever ends. ive never once thought a single bad thought about you. even when you hurt me. youre amazing, michael daniel rodriguez. i hope that dreams do come true. i hope that we find each other in the future and everything we wanted and dreamed for becomes reality. its all i think about....
there are plenty of other things i have on my mind right now but after that i cant bring myself to think about anything else. maybe later ill be back to finish what i started in this post but i doubt it. my life is a mountain of empty promises these days.