i felt free

life is life lately. nothing seems to phase me or surprise me these days. how dull.
my new job at the Hampton Inn is probably the worst job in the world. its not entirely the fact that i have to clean a bunch of nasty shit every day. its also the fact that i work with a bunch of older women who: treat me like im a child yet, are nasty and scrubby, and act like they are in fucking high school. youre going to talk down on me like im a child yet i act more mature than you do? what sense does that make? none at all. but what can you do about how other people act?
random but recent. i went out with the guys for the first time like all summer since warped tour. we went to the driving range. i may suck at golf but it was kind of addicting =] then we went to austins for a fire and shit. i dont know. it was fun but at the same time it was different. people just dont act the same anymore. it wasnt as goofy and random as it usually is. plus there was cigar smoking and ross brought weed. not usually the type of shit im into. in fact, id rather prefer to avoid those things at all costs. i guess its whatever. i guess this is growing up.
blogging is frustrating these days. i know whats on my mind but i never know what to say anymore. i rememember the days where it all just flowed out with hardly any effort at all. now it takes actual force to get my thoughts out of my damn head. i guess maybe i think its pointless. no one reads this anyways. i rarely come on here anymore. yet, i feel inclined to post every now and then. maybe because some day in the future, i might decide to come on here and read everything. like a record of my past. all the details of my life.
im listening to circa survive right now and thinking of a friend i recently acquired and then seemingly lost. it feels like it all happened so quickly. i met someone so amazing yet so far away. as usual. this boy was genuine. this boy was a lot like me. for some reason, i felt extremely attached to this boy. he had a whatever attitude about things. trying to not take shit too seriously. yet, he had the capacity to care a lot about certain things. he believed in living life and not wasting it. he was cocky but bashful at the same time. in my eyes, thats almost perfection. not to mention he liked great fucking music. i just wish things were different than the way that they are. it seems like i always get attached to people i cant actually be close to due to circumstances that are beyond my control. but this boy, i will try my hardest to never forget. he made an impact worthy of rememberance.
michael daniel rodriguez, what do i even say? you came into my life so unexpectadly. but thats not necessarily a bad thing. because you also stole my heart and youre determined to keep it no matter what. however, youre another one of those people who is being kept from me by those uncontrollable circumstances. youre the first person that im determined to be different for. im so glad i met you now and not a few years ago. im so glad i learned a few lessons before you came into my life because now im gonna do things better than you thought i would. im not most girls and i take pride in that. for once, im in a relationship that i dont feel the urge to control every detail of. for once, im in a relationship where im not demanding every ounce of attention that you have. this time im going to do it right. im going to try to not fuck up big time and hopefully youll do the same. little screw ups are bound to happen but its how we deal with those tiny things that makes all the difference. this is for real and im not going to lose this.
on that note, ive run out of motivation to speak of any other matters. so eventually, sometime in the near or far future, i will be back.