the truth about heaven

first things first, i love you so much alex for telling me to listen to what to do when you're dead by armor for sleep. definitely one of the best albums i've ever heard in my life. i don't think i've ever related to something in such a way before. thank you thank you thank you.
i've been thinking a lot lately. it's nothing major. it's nothing concrete. i think i've made a few break throughs and realizations. things about forgiving people and about letting things go and loving people for their flaws. even though i've learned that all of these things are important and i need to implement them into my life, actually making these improvements is a hard thing to do. letting go of old ways is no easy task. breaking down every ounce of self preservation you've created over the years due to countless shitty experiences is near impossible. but it's what i have to do if i want anything in my life to get better. i need to stop letting the things that he did hold me back. i need to live for me. i need to be better for the people that i love. i can't keep letting things that happened in the past ruin my future. i can't keep repeating the same mistakes.
maybe you see now that i'm willing to change. maybe you somewhat see that i've been trying really hard. maybe you understand that it does take time. it's not easy. especially with all the stress. maybe you realize that i'm going to be patient with you as you try to change also. we aren't just changing for the sake of our relationship. i don't want you to think that you're just changing because i want you to. i want you to see that changes will help you in life also. instead of fighting each other when times get hard, we need to help each other. i've never been good at letting things go. i've always let the little things hurt me to no end. but i see now that i need to change that. however, i need you to realize that i can't do it without you. you know im sensitive and it helps nothing when you're so stubborn and hard headed about things. and i know that sometimes you slip up. you're not perfect. you're not always going to do the things i want you to do. i'm going to be patient. i'm going to be accepting of your mistakes. as long as things don't get out of hand, i'm not going to stress every mistake you make. only if you're willing to do the same for me.
we both have a lot of stress in our lives right now and it's having a huge effect on our relationship. i know that sometimes it's hard to want to keep going when things seem like they're never going to get better. i firmly believe that as long as we know what the problem is and we're willing to fix it, then we can make it through anything. i love you more than anything in my life right now. you are what i look forward to every day. you are what puts a smile on my face when i'm down. you're the one i would do anything for. anything. so i refuse to let you go. i refuse to let over exaggerated arguments tear us apart. you mean too much to me to let that ever happen.
this is for you
and this is for me
this is for the both of us
for eternity