slow dancing in a burning room

im in love with this boy. a boy with brown hair and wonderful brown eyes and this enticing medium brown skin. he has a mind like no other. his thoughts are deep. i consider him to be very wise and insightful. i know he always has a lot on his mind. he is very talented. he is a good artist. his way with words is like pure poetry to me. his passion and his fascination with things is lovely. he aspires to be a chef and i have no doubt that he will be the best. he isnt exactly funny. no, i wouldnt use that word to describe him. but sometimes, without even trying, he makes me laugh. its a laugh that only he has the privilege to experience. yes, he amuses me quite often. he can make me smile so much my cheeks hurt. we could talk all day every day and never run out of things to say. he is very romantic. i know he would pay perfect attention to me. i have no doubt that he could satisfy my every need.
i want to be with him forever. i dont think ive ever truly loved anyone more. i know for a fact that ive never cared so much about somebody before. i crave his attention and his approval more than anyone else. i want to please him. i want to make him happy. i want all of our hopes and dreams to become reality. i want to love him like he has never been loved before. i want to be his one and only. forever and always.


i wish things could be perfect all the time. i guess when you love somebody so much and they love you the same, its impossible to avoid arguments. he and i dont think the same. he has said it before; i think with my emotions and he uses logic. in my opinion, we both are dreamers but we are also pessimists. we just do it in our own way. i know im not always open with everything. but he seems so distant at times. sometimes, it feels like hes holding back. i feel like there is still a lot that i dont know about this boy. sometimes, the things he does or fails to do make me feel like he doesnt care as much as i do. sometimes, it feels like he doesnt care when he hurts me. i know, or he says, he doesnt intentionally hurt me but he does it anyways and it always leads to problems. i know i hurt him sometimes too. most of the time im not trying. sometimes its on purpose and for that i am a terrible person. whenever we disagree about something, it leads to a huge fight and most of the time it leads to goodbyes. whenever one of us hurts the other, its the same exact way. he isnt good with apologies or seeing things from other peoples point of view. im not blaming him for everything. i never claimed to be a strong individual and i never claimed to be perfect. im a weak mess. but i try. i really do. i put forth all of my effort. i try to change when i know that something is wrong. i make him the center of my attention. it just seems like he isnt trying to change. maybe its because he never tells me things. i rarely know what he is thinking or feeling. it makes things so hard. all of this plus the fact that we are miles apart just makes this so painful.


the good times with this boy are great. when things are good between me and him, i couldnt ask for more. when we laugh and smile together, its like the world is perfect and nothing could go wrong. but when we argue, when we fight, when we disagree, its hard. its hard to stay when it seems like nothing will change. i want to be with this boy forever but im afraid that the future will only bring more and more fighting. im afraid that one day we will grow to despise each other. i love him through think and thin. but when we fight, he comes off as so cold and so uncaring. in those moments, i find it hard to find something to love about him....i just dont know what to do anymore.......i know that we can pull through whatever happens but i also know that shit will just keep happening over and over again. i just dont know if i can handle all of the useless fights and all of the getting hurt and the heartache.


i love you more than anything but i just dont know...