walk like a gentleman and curse like a wave

i feel like its hard to rely on anyone these days. as soon as i get close to someone, that person finds a way to let me down. whether they realize it or not. or maybe i just take things too personally. i find myself trying to ponder the things that people do. not too in depth but i just want to see and understand. why this person loves this other person. why that person cant say whats on their mind. why i cant either...

listening to my ipod on shuffle is dangerous business. i start out listening to something dance/pop-punk and im in a good mood. then, it always turns sour and so do i. i need someone around to keep me from doing these things to myself. i know its bad to stay home by myself, but i insisted on it tonight. its not doing me much good.

id rather see the good in a bad person than the bad in a good person. i critique people too much and when i end up being right about them, i rarely feel proud of the work ive done. thats why i want to be a therapist. i want to be there to bring out the light from within a dark soul. that is all i want to do. i never again want to pick apart a person until i hate them so. alas, i cannot help myself. i dont see why people like me.

im still a jealous person. things havent changed much here. one day, ill find comfort in reality. until that day, im a miserable mess. sometimes, a hot mess but thats only on those rare days that show themselves when people actually decide to give a crap and act like the person they say they are. oh lordy.

i think that other peoples drama is kinda hilarious yet a nuisance at the same time. i think other people should just shut up.

by the way, im having trouble accepting winter. its such a happy time. therefore, i beckon it to come forth. then again, i despise wearing winter clothes and im not very fond of cuddling these days so that does me no good.

i went to a concert the other day. there were a lot of couples in the crowd holding eachother and kissing. im not a romantic in the least. lately, i just find that pathetic. i think im just bitter.

i like swearing but when people do it too often and out of context, i just hate it. i think other people should stop making me loath all the things i used to love. i blame other people for causing all the problems i have. you all are the reason i am the way i am. im just the one who chooses to do nothing about it. but that doesnt make it my fault. its not my fault, its never my fault.