seasons

my bipolar disorder has become more prominent in these past few months. there isnt much i wish to do about it. the worst part is that i know everything about my problem and i can put a name to all the stages and emotions but im helpless. you guys, its really not as bad as im making it out to be.

ive been alright. not too productive. thats not always a bad thing. i sleep like shit every night cuz i go to bed at indecent hours. ive been staying up talking to my boyfriends best friend. he recently told me about his feelings for me and i cant deny the fact that i have them too. its very confusing. i dont know how to handle the situation. all i can do is feel guilty about it. yet i enjoy talking to him. so its a guilty pleasure. i finally know what that means now.

my 16th birthday is tomorrow. i got my first surpirse birthday party ever. it was small but thats good because i hate large gatherings. i get panic attacks easily.

i dont really know what i want right now. im just going with the flow because there is no use trying to figure things out when im so emotionally out of control.

its really no big deal.