ants in my pants

well, i kind of forgot about this for a while until a sweet boy reminded me about it. i'm not quite sure what to say. i just feel as though i should say something.
school starts on wednesday. i'm having mixed feelings. my classes this year aren't going to be mega hard or anything. yet, at the same time, i really just don't want summer to end. i am excited for fall. i'm just not ready for my freedom to be taken away.
i don't think i have ever been more passionate about something before in my life. i also don't think i've ever argued with anyone so much before in my life. we've had too many ups and downs to count, but the fact that we have pulled through everything and managed to stay together must mean something. i'm sure that in a week or so these weird feelings for me will go away and we will be back to normal. i mean, you can't expect it to be normal immediately, right? i really want to change for you. i know i have a hard time controlling my emotions. i can be very hurtful, unpredictable, annoying, and so on. i really want to be better. i want to improve. i want to do it for you. i can't fix everything. i can't change who i am. but i'm willing to try to get better. i hope you can help me.
i want to fly to texas so badly. i wish i could visit you. it's hard having your best friend living miles away. maybe i could start saving up money for a plane ticket since i have a job now. maybe i could convince my mom to let me do it by myself. to be honest, she would just be a buzz kill if she came along. i just want to be able to do things with you. driving around listening to say anything and shit. watching dragon ball z. playing board games so i can kick your ass at monopoly in person. going on space adventures. watching '80s movies for me. playing video games for you. i know i can't have everything that i want. however, this i am determined to have. i want it more than anything.
there was a lot more that i wanted to say but my mind is just so blank. i went to green bay last weekend with austin. we hung out with his friend josh who hangs out with a bunch of wannabe kids. i also met his friend kaylyn. she was alright but way to self conscious. and i thought i was bad. all in all, i'm so fucking glad i don't live in green bay. it is a city full of whores and wangster "i think i'm cool but i'm not" guys.
in october, say anything, motion city soundtrack, saves the day, and valencia will be in milwaukee. i am definitely going. i wouldn't miss that for anything. except maybe a plane ticket to texas. it should be lots of fun.
i guess that's it for now. maybe school will give me something more to write about.

losing it

i dont want to live this life anymore
this life is shit
this world is the exact opposite of everything i want
all the beauty is masked by these terrible things
these people are all fucked up
all idiots

can you and i just run away?
i know we arent what we used to be
but youre the only one i can possibly imagine
enjoying the rest of my life with
in seclusion
youre the only one
who understands
exactly how im feeling
youre the only one
who possibly agrees
sure youve made your fair share of mistakes
things that i despise
but i can learn to look past that
just get me the hell out of here
take me somewhere
far far away
take me away
anywhere but here

the kids are all fucked up

what is it with people these days and their lack of morals? seriously, where has it all gone? whatever happened to abstinence and straight edge? do people have no respect for themselves these days? drugs, cigarettes, alcohol, sex. honestly, what is wrong with teenagers these days? is it really that hard to wait to have sex? are drugs and shit really necessary to be cool? do you really have to put out with your boyfriend in order to fit in these days? do you really have to shop at certain stores, like certain music, act a certain way, and do stupid shit in order to be popular? do you really have to become a complete fucking senseless idiot in order to be accepted? yeah, sure seems like it these days.
losing respect for your friends is not exactly a fun thing. hearing rumors about your friends is not exciting.
of all the high school cliches, do you really have to try and fit all of them? because it sure seems like thats what youre going for. it sure seems like youve lost every ounce of sensibility you once had.
considering the fact that a majority of people these days act that way,
a majority of high schoolers do that shit,
im glad i havent made any of those mistakes.
im glad i havent done any of that stupid shit.
im glad that i make my own choices and i make them intelligently.
im glad that i dont fit in.
the end.

i'm lost without you

so, i finally started downloading music the illegal way aka file sharing. no, i am not proud of it. yes, i feel bad for stealing music from my favorite artists. however, the reason why i did it makes me happy.
truth be told, i am lost without you. the blink 182 song says it perfectly. i've been having a lot of conflicting emotions lately. i know that you are trying to make up for all the things you have done wrong, but in the process you just are not being yourself and it makes me sad. it makes me feel like i don't know who you are anymore and it makes me feel like it's my fault.
i'm not sure what else to say right now or how to say it =/

p.s.

i think i finally fixed my comments thing so it actually says "comments" instead of "mutherfuckers talkin shit". i am glad that i no longer look like an idiot because of that. sadly, i feel too low to celebrate.

"sometimes quicksand has a massive appeal to me."
motion city soundtrack.
a lifeless ordinary (need a little help).

fuck this shit

logging onto your facebook page was a stupid idea. i love that you still have pictures of you with your ex girlfriends and a drawing that you made of one of them. thats just wonderful.
im supposed to be getting your package in the mail today but i dont even want it anymore. you have girls on facebook asking you for weed, girls calling you hun and sweetie and shit. this is just stupid.
maybe it wasnt necessarily my place to look at those things but some of them just popped up. sorry my curiosity got the best of me. but now that i see how things really are, i dont want to be a part of this anymore.
fuck this shit.
im done.