i do not exactly enjoy the way things are in this moment. i don't have my friends situated, my relationship situated, my emotions situated. i'm holding back once again. i'm faking happiness day to day because no matter what face i wear, my heavy heart is still a burden. i know where all my problems come from yet i find it hard to explain. i'm afraid of facing my fears and all the things i've hidden for many years. there are things i've erased from my mind unconciously when i was a child. i'm a shell that nobody can crack. if i do crack, nobody is going to like what comes out. i feel like a trouble to everyone, like i'm in the way. i feel as though everyone is sick of hearing me whine. the sad thing is that i'm clearly crying for help yet i reject the only 2 or 3 people who offer it to me. emotions fade in and fade out. i'm a bipolar mess. no use hiding that anymore. no use hiding anything anymore now that i wear my heart on my sleeve. no use sharing anything because i can't trust anyone. i'm one contradiction after another. my personality doesn't make sense nor do my thoughts.
i'm sick of being around a clusterfuck of fake. people who are trying to act one way when everyone else knows that isn't who they are. why are they so unaware of what people say about them? is it because they refuse to believe? i'm sick of people who tell me one thing then act another then leave me for god only knows what reasons. i'm sick of people who i loved at some point in time yet they didn't love me back. now, all of a sudden, they decide to come around but it's too late. i've moved on. or have i?
i'm sick of wanting to break out and just tear up this scene but being too afraid. i want so badly to just get out there and party but then i tell myself i won't have fun. i'm my own worst enemy.
i can't remember the last timei was truly happy and i know that statement will hurt someone if they read it but why should i lie?
all in all, i hate who i am.
until further notice,
assume the worst
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WELL LET ME AT FIRST BEGIN WITH HI LOL I HAVEN'T BEEN ON BLOGGER IN SO LONG AND YOU PROBABLY DONT EVEN REMEMBER POSTING THOSE GREAT COMMENTS ON MY BLOG BUT THANKS FOR THOSE, YOU SOUND JUST LIKE ME I SEEM TO NOT HAVE ANYTHING GOING FOR ME RIGHT NOW I GO FROM ONE BAD RELATIONSHIP TO ANOTHER AND I CAN NEVER TRULLY KEEP A FRIEND FOR A LONG TIME BECAUSE I ALWAYS FIND A WAY TO MESS IT UP BUT YOU KNOW WHAT HELPS ME LISTEN TO MUSIC RYAN ADAMS CITY AND COLOUR GREG LASWELL THEYLL REALLY HELP YOU OUT I KNOW THAT IT PROBABLY SOUNDS CORNY BUT IT SEEMS TO WORK FOR ME WHEN I HAVE AN OFF DAY THEY KNOW ALL ABOUT HIDING YOUR TRUE FEELINGS IN FRONT OF PEOPLE great blog by the way keep it up your writings amazing.. ohh and if you do listen to ryan adams when your young is a great song to start on
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