i cant say i have anything interesting to say. i dont feel like talking much anymore. lately i just feel like keeping it all inside. there isnt really anyone to listen anyways.
the new school year started exactly a week ago. my classes dont seem too hard...yet. its nothing really fun. the worst part is having gym first hour. no...i lied. the worst part is having a total of like 5 friends. i feel extremely alone this year. i feel like i dont fit in. i feel like an awkward outcast in every social situation. i strongly long to just move out of this town. i wish to go somewhere where i could just be free. i wanna completely ditch my family. i wanna find people who are just as outcastish as me. i want artsy friends. i want friends who like to ponder the meaning of life. i want friends who arent afraid to be risky or push the line. i want friends who arent afraid to feel or tell how they feel. i want friends who i can actually relate to. cuz right now i have no one. all my friends do extra curricular sports and musicals and theater. i like art. all my friends have a lot of friends that do a lot of stuff and are really popular.
i dont understand how i function. i recall making a post not too long ago about how confident i was in myself. i still know who i am and whatnot. but i just dont like me and i dont feel like other people like me. nothing anyone says can change how i feel. i have to change it myself.
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3 comments:
first of all, reading your text blinds me -__- (lol) second, I LOVE art too!!! what kind of art do u like? painting, pastel, manga? ^.^
Manga for me. But acrylic is good. I'm more on photography. WAAS, don't change who you are. I have like two friends and they live on a different planet than me. Don't change. Perhaps randomly sit a lunch table with people you don't know? I did that once...after teh first moments of "WTF" they seemed okay with it.
im sorry if it feels like ive deserted you ashley. anything i can do to make things right again i will. i hate feeling like things just dont fit right.
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