as a train roars

one of my pinhole camera shots

still need to save the other one

well thought out twinkles

it makes me sad that i don't blog on a regular basis but i don't have anything to blog about! i am not an exciting child anymore. sighhh. you could always email me =]

i recently learned how to take pictures on a pinhole camera. it's extremely cool if any of you know what that is. basically, it's a cardboard box with a piece of copper that has a tiny hole in it. you put light sensitive paper in the camera and once you uncover the hole, whatever image you are facing will go through the hole and be reflected onto the light sensitive paper but it will be backwards and in negative black and white. yes, that is always fun to explain to everyone when they ask why i'm carrying around a box. so far, i've only developed one picture in the dark room and i think it's a badass pic. i'll get it on here someday once i figure out how to. i took another one but i need to develope that. if it doesn't turn out i'll cry.

so, i'm gonna complain about my lack of extra curricular activities again. i might not be doing 4-H next year cuz all m friends are quitting. i could slap those dumb children. i think i'll do it anyways just so i can do photography and drawing and painting. art is what i live for anyways. i also need to learn how to join the national art honor society at school but i'm too afraid to ask. soooooon!

i failed my first huge test in ap american history. yeah, it makes me extremely sad cuz two of my friends got the highest scores in all the classes. that was embarrassing. i don't know what else to say on that matter. i was extremely upset at first but i think i've gotten over it. school isn't everything in life and no, i'm not perfect.

truth,
i secretly wish every guy would like me as more than a friend

truth,
i extremely enjoy scene boys

truth,
i believe i act like a kid a lot because i missed out on so much of my childhood

truth,
i hate anyone who is remotely like me because i like to think i'm one of a kind

truth,
i like boys better than girls when it comes to friends

truth,
i don't try my best because i'm afraid to see what could be

truth,
i want to be famous when i grow up

truth,
i am a complete contradiction in every way shape and form

truth,
i'm a flirt

truth,
i hurt a lot of people and i don't know why or how to stop

truth,
i know nothing about the world but i like to pretend i know everything

truth,
i help other people as a way to avoid helping myself

truth,
i've chosen to forget most of my childhood

truth,
i hate to talk

truth,
i'm extremely opinionated

truth,
i am a control freak

truth,
i have no idea how to control my life and it kills me

truth,
i can't decide what i want to believe in

truth,
i hate sundays

truth,
i hate telling people what i think about them

truth,
i like meeting new people but i hate being the first to talk

truth,
Plushgun is a great band and everyone should go listen to them

no new stories to tell

i cant say i have anything interesting to say. i dont feel like talking much anymore. lately i just feel like keeping it all inside. there isnt really anyone to listen anyways.

the new school year started exactly a week ago. my classes dont seem too hard...yet. its nothing really fun. the worst part is having gym first hour. no...i lied. the worst part is having a total of like 5 friends. i feel extremely alone this year. i feel like i dont fit in. i feel like an awkward outcast in every social situation. i strongly long to just move out of this town. i wish to go somewhere where i could just be free. i wanna completely ditch my family. i wanna find people who are just as outcastish as me. i want artsy friends. i want friends who like to ponder the meaning of life. i want friends who arent afraid to be risky or push the line. i want friends who arent afraid to feel or tell how they feel. i want friends who i can actually relate to. cuz right now i have no one. all my friends do extra curricular sports and musicals and theater. i like art. all my friends have a lot of friends that do a lot of stuff and are really popular.

i dont understand how i function. i recall making a post not too long ago about how confident i was in myself. i still know who i am and whatnot. but i just dont like me and i dont feel like other people like me. nothing anyone says can change how i feel. i have to change it myself.