i'm kinda in the middle of a personal crisis right now =/ i don't even know how to explain it in a comprehensible way cuz it doesn't even make sense to myself. basically, i'm just indecisive and right back at lethargic like i was over the summer. like seriously, only a few days ago i was the happiest kid in the universe. now, i don't know what's happening. everything seems to be changing and i don't know how to handle it. all of my self changes are a mystery to me. my point of view. my likes and dislikes. my wants. it's confusing and scary. but, not really. not to a normal person.
i can't seem to get myself together. i'm never happy with what i have. i want exactly the opposite. when i'm alone, i want to be around people. when i'm with people, all i want is some time to myself. when it's cloudy, i want the sun. when it's bright, i want dark. quiet, loud. noisy, silent. the way i feel towards people is different now. i don't know what sort of relationship i want with my dad. i can't make up my mind on how i feel towards my mom. hmhm...
i've also lost my inspiration and motivation...again. i'm supposed to be doing portfolio drawings in art, but i have no idea what i want to draw. i love art and supposedly i have talent. however, that talent is totally useless if i don't know how to make use of it. and i really really really like writing, but i lack subject matter. i always come back to the same old things. i crave something new. not practical or ordinary. strange. divine. this world just doesn't have that and it's bringing me down right now. it's like i've closed my eyes on what i used to see as simple beauty and magnificence. i'm completely lost here.
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4 comments:
don't be lost. im at the same spot you are now. you need to find someone you can express yourself to right now. i just told david (my boyfriend cause i dont think i ever used his name) everything that happenedto me in my childhood (rape, molestation, abuse, etc) and honestly it helped a lot. ive had a really rough past and it just, enlightened me? i guess is a good way to put it. no one understands me. as im sure they do you. teenage angst is a wonderful thing. (not) girlie, stay strong for me. at least one of us has to. :( if i watch you fall apart, i will as well. :(
and also, dont let anything from your past afecct you know, dont think its cool to drink or smoke or cut, honestly, all three are addicting and difficult to quit. hoenstly, i feel; like your going through the same thing. i wish we could meet, but i understand thats labled as a predator or something.i just think we havea lot to learn from each other, please add me on myspace. http://www.myspace.com/sisterly_love_0022
no worries. just when you start trusting people, the truth will flow. at least that's how it was for me. especially with personal things.
and it sounds like what your feeling is partially due to a chemical imbalance in your brain. im the same way though. i have the imbalance, and on top of that people affect me a lot too. its a hard place to be.
just look forward to knowing you have SOMEONE out there who understands how you're feeling.
this was really well written. im impressed ashley. =]
plus the colors are cute.
and i know how you're feeling. i mean...i dont exactly. but things arent going so great for me either atm. we can do this together girl. ill help you any way i can. <3
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