Drop It Already

i'm sick of wanting things i can't/don't have. i always always always think "i wish i could have this" or "i wish i had enuf money to buy that". it's upsetting that i can't just be happy with the things i already do have. instead, i have to sit around wanting things that i don't have enuf money to get. i feel like i need to buy all these new cds, a better i-pod, and movies in order to be happy. i'm jealous that i can't always see the movies that are just coming into theaters or that i can't afford to go on all these amazing vacations or buy new clothes all the time. i just wish i had more money to do and buy stuff in general, but i don't and i should really get over it and learn to accept the facts.

but money and such material posessions are not the only thing i wish i had. i also wish i could be with someone, but this someone does not feel the same way. i kill myself over the fact that i'm not with them and it hurts me when they don't always talk to me. it would be nice if i could just accept them as my friend and move on. however, i'm stuck just wishing things would change.

i also wish i was more musically inclined. i wish i could play some sort of instrument. i wish i was more artsie. i wish i could make amazing things. i wish i was a poet. and i wish i was more confident. and even tho people tell me that i'm a good artist, i don't beleive them and i just keep wishing that i could make art like Vincent van Gogh or something.

i just refuse to accept my life and myself for what it is and who i am. and that deeply bothers me. i'm sick of being jealous of other people and i'm sick of feeling poor because i am not poor. why can't i just drop it already?