Today's Not Over If Tomorrow's Still The Word You Use

winter break has been going pretty okay. could be a tad more exciting or fun, but i can't do much about that.

christmas was nice. i got a few shirts that i really like. a sweatshirt. some random jewelery. a new i pod, which i was not expecting at all. however, my favorite gifts included a cute wind up dinosaur from katie. and a super pretty necklace from austin ^_^ besides all the gifts, it was a usual christmas. i didn't do much all day except go to my grandparents' house and help make dinner. all my aunts and uncles and cousins came over and we just spent some time together. same as every year. i think next year i would like to do something small. no big traditions. no huge dinner. i don't even want it to be all about gifts. i just wanna spend time with all of my favorite people. and i want the sun to be shining =]

i'm pretty excited for new years eve to come. i went with austin and his dad yesterday on a roadtrip. we trucked all the way up to oshkosh to meet austin's friends from greenbay/de pere. haha i'll admit that they are some crazy awesome kids. they made me laugh a lot. me and katie are going to go over to austin's house on new years eve to chillax with him and his friends. it going to be pretty simple and fun. =] i just can't wait to see my two favest people in the universe.
so i can't stand one minute away from this boy. it's pretty obnoxious how much i really love him. he's real. he doesn't try to be someone he's not. he's funny and entertaining. he's way too sweet =] and i have no idea how i got so lucky. honestly. ♥austin belke

i'm in the process of not enjoying either of my parents. my dad just isn't a dad. my mom is too controlling. both of them seem to make decisions based on how happy they are. it's like they have forgotten their kids. my dad still drinks. my mom yells all the time. one step forward, three leaps back.

so, winter break has been pretty okay. in my opinion, i haven't been getting out enuf. but, i blame that on my overcontrolling mother who can't trust me worth shit. it's cool. with the few days that i have left, i still need to get all my shit done for school cuz i like to procrastinate. story of my life. at least it's been sunny the past two days =] it keeps a smile on my face.

So...

i've lost my luster
i'm running out of interesting things to say
boooooo

mmm so i cannot wait for christmas =]
or new years eve/new years
or tomorrow
or friday

tomorrow i'm going to katie's house to play some wii and whatnot. i miss her to the extreme! but i'm sooooo happy that winter break is here. i get bored with people and things easily so school was seriously starting to piss me off. i thought i was going to burn that shit down if i had to stay another second longer. i really did need a break. so yes, tuesday, cannot wait =]

then christmas! i can't wait to open my presents! haha i made a pretty detailed list this year and i think people got me some nice presents for once this year so i can't wait.

friday! i'm going to go see a movie with austin. there's this one called the spirit [http://mycityscreams.com/] that i think looks really awesome. i'm pumped.

new years! me and katie are going to go to austin's house for a lil get together. he has three of his friends coming down from greenbay/de pere and i'm really excited to meet them but i'm also nervous cuz i think they might find me dorky. haha! i could care less. ugh it's gonna be a blast.

okay okay. backtracking a lil bit. we had a snow day friday and i was ecstatic. it was a really good thing too, because my hair straightener broke that morning and i was about to go into cardiac arrest. so, i made an emergency trip to target and got this really cool hair straightener that is my favorite color of blue =] i had a hard time throwing away my other one tho because it was a really nice hair straightener and i have no idea how it busted. any who, i also got this amazing pair of super yellow sunglasses. haha i wore them today cuz it's really sunny outside. i love target. live savers.

lots of things to look forward to =]

Destination: Setting Sun

i sometimes wish i didn't steal most of my blog titles from songs. especially when i don't remember what song i stole it from. this one is from a song by The Academy Is... off their newest album. it reminds me of The Matches. if your name is katie biester then i'm sure you're catching my drift.

we had a snow day today =] i can't decide if i enjoy this or not. i really like snow, but not when it's a shitload of snow. plus, this means i can't see austin today [or any of my other friends of course]. however, i get to listen to music all day and catch up on some things like blogging and reading and watching tv. haha cuz i never get a chance to do those things anymore. i swear, i went almost a month without listening to my ipod. that's crazy business.

speaking of austin, me and him are going to see a movie this weekend. our plans still aren't final like about what we are seeing and whatnot. he's such a sweet kid tho. he offered to pick me up and take me home and pay for everything. haha ^_^ alas, my mom is being kinda prudish about the whole thing. she won't let him pick me up and drop me off. she's gonna drop me off at the theater and pick me up when the movie is done. which sucks cuz we wanted to go to the mall afterwards and chill. but she said no to that. she also said no to us hanging out today cuz she doesn't know him enuf and she can't trust me apparently. i'm kinda scared that he might break up with me if my mom is constantly telling me i can't hang out with him. ugh!

i don't but i do understand why PDA bothers a lot of people. yeah, public displays of affection can gross some people out but i've never seen it as such a big deal. honestly, a hug and a kiss or two is nothing to censor. haha maybe it's cuz i participate in PDA. yesterday after school me and austin stood at my locker hugging and whatnot for the longest time. not like we were making out. i wouldn't do that in public. all i'm saying is that people need to stop being so stuck up about things. live a little.

haha this kid makes me happy. no syke. i'm excited for christmas break. on my list of people to spend time with: katie, jocelyn, and austin. i might wanna do something with tai if she wants to do something with me. i haven't hung out with jocelyn in a while. that makes me sad. i love hanging out with katie and i hope she wants me over at her house cuz i plan on going over there either way =] haha i'm just playing. and of course i wanna hang with austin. i'm gonna get him UnderOath's new album [deluxe edition hopefully] for christmas cuz i'm not making it to a hot topic anytime soon and i know he is really into them and doesn't have that cd yet. he asked me what i want but i keep saying he doesn't need to get me anything cuz i always feel awkward when people other than my family give me gifts. idk y. i also need to get jocelyn something but i'm not sure what. hmhm

i have no idea why my art class is so eventful. a few days ago i mentioned to my teacher that i might want to be an art therapist and i guess she is really into that. she showed me her entire display of "art therapy" drawings in the hallway then she did a picture for me and let me work out my problems. i ended up feeling really good after that. and in fact, i managed to work out that problem so i'm really happy. i'm gonna tell her all about it tomorrow if we have school. anyway, so after that tai wanted me to do some art therapy for her so i could get some practice. i did and she and my teacher said it was a very good start. i'm still not sure if that's exactly what i wanna do but at least i know that i've got some support going. i think my art teacher is turning into my favorite teacher. she reminds me of mrs. semrad in some ways minus the strict boundaries.

mmm i've been really happy lately =]

"I'm really not as stubborn as I seem," said the knuckle to the concrete

art class was a bitch today because my wonderful teacher told me i was doing my self portrait wrong. not like i didn't already know this, but i was hoping she wouldn't point it out. apparently, i'm really good at using lines but now i need to create valuse instead of lines with the charcoal. it's such a freeing experience. i'll feel great once i'm done. lmao idk what i think about that woman.

i got my backseat goodbye shiz came yesterday like i knew it would. i hung up my mini poster and wore my shirt today. =]

i wish i had more to write about but i kinda don't lol
the real highlight of my day was that austin asked me out this morning. =] i was kinda caught off gaurd cuz i didn't think it would happen that fast. but of course i said yes and now i'm really happy. but i did the whole thing where i acted really shy and whatnot around him. i'll fix that =] he's really sweet. he walked me to a lot of my classes and held my hand ^_^ lol and he asked for my number and he's texting me right now. i'm a happy camper you guys.

Someday I Will Wake Up And Realize I Made Up Everything

Question: how long does it take for someone to recover from an appendectomy?
Answer: approximately a week

that's important shit to know =] so yeah, austin was back at school, for which i was ecstatic. haha it was the usual day. cept when i went with tai and her friend jessie to her 7th hour [so i could visit austin cuz that's his class also] he was totally trying to make conversation. like asking me and tai what we were up to. i guess we were looking kinda suspicious. lol but then when we went to go and leave, this weird kid angel stopped me right by austin and told everyone that i was his best friend. i was just like "ugh i am not your best friend, angel" but yeah so right as i was bumping past austin ^_^ angel told him, "hey, she has a crush on you" and austin was all like, "oh does she?" and i bolted out that door haha! so idk if that was helping or hurting on angel's behalf but that kid is a weirdo. and i never got a chance to tell austin that i missed him while he was gone, but i think that's okay.

also, i ordered my backseat goodbye stuff on friday maybe, so it should be coming any day now. and i ordered my twloha shirt yesterday but it's on back order so i won't get if for a lil under a month. that will be like a late christmas present. but i'm super excited to get my backseat goodbye stuff! =D

in other news, it snowed on sunday and i was very happy about that. except it wasn't sunny outside today so i didn't get to see the snow glisten. everyone wants a snow day but i'm all like "no way" cuz for some odd reason i like going to school =]

Tragedy Bound

um i don't think i really know exactly what to talk about in this post. well, i'll start off by saying that i ordered all of my backseat goodbye stuff and i hope it comes very soon. also, today was very depressing yet fun at the same time. that's kinda how all of my days are lately. something will be bothering me a whole lot, but then my friends will usually provide some unintentional comic relief and i feel better.

my birthday was sunday and there isn't really anything to report about on that day. however, i'm obnoxiously upset about the fact that i've only been sent one birthday card. that shows how much my family cares. i was previously informed that a majority of them don't even know when my birthday is anyway. lovely.

austin, whom i have spoken of before, wasn't at school today. i was slightly upset by this cuz i hardly get to see him, but i was willing to live thru it. however, i found out in art class that he almost died the night before and had to have an emergency operation to remove his appendix. it's good to know that he is still in the hospital but doing well. i was also willing to live thru that. on the contrary, i realized that i'm not close to him at all and will probably never be. there i go giving up again but it's kinda true. we don't have any classes together and we never actually talk. i also discovered today that he had previously gone out with samantha fucking campbell. that's real nice. so i'm not his type anyway. i really don't think people take me seriously when i say that i like him or when i talk about him. they just dismiss it like some childish crush. oh how wonderful.

also during art class today, as i was being down about my new revelations, my art teacher found it necessary to have a tough love speech with me. i am a very slow worker in that class mostly because i never want to work. i'm always too busy thinking about everything else. she basically told me that i needed to stop looking around and comparing myself to everyone else because i have talent but that talent doesn't matter if i'm not willing to put forth the effort and i will be graded according to that. beautiful beautiful. i wanted to cry. i literally had to take a few seconds to compose myself. she's the kind of teacher that pushes the kids that she sees potential in but everyone else gets to have a free for all and do what they want. in some ways she can be like a mother to me. the tough love thing. and i don't think i've ever had a teacher tell me how good i am at something and tell me not to throw it away. especially at something that i really do want to excel in. she was kinda right. if i don't stop comparing myself to everyone else then i'm going to end up throwing away everything.

it was truly a horrible day for me. that is, until i got to english class and me and katie laughed away the entire hour. she's always the person to put me in a good mood. no psych.

My Smile's An Open Wound Without You

i think online shopping is really fun for two main reasons. one, you can find exclusive shirts online that are not sold in stores. two, i really like waiting for packages in the mail. it's a nice lil surprise on your doorstep that just makes your day. especially when you don't recieve any other mail. so, since my birthday and christmas are coming up [rather quickly] i'm pretty sure i'm going to be gathering up some extra cash. so far i've gotten $25 for my birthday. the following is what i wish to spend all of my money on [im gonna need about $25 more if i'm gonna make this work] =)

TO WRITE LOVE ON HER ARMS:

pick up the phone shirt =] suicide hotline awareness
i completely support this


BACKSEAT GOODBYE:

Hey ♥ i think you're cute would you like to be my new best friend?

perfect Hello Yellow poster

that's it =]

ad astra per aspera

i'm sorta upset about my grades in school. i didn't go to conferences because no one could take me [which makes me slightly more upset] so i did not receive my reportcard. but i know enuf to see that i didn't get a 4.0 or anything like that. i got a few A-'s and a B which really does upset me cuz i know i could have and i should have done better. i might as well abolish this post's title that i loved so much before because it does not suit me. i get frustrated when things do not come to me easily and it brings me down when i see my friends just flying by everything like it's no work at all.

my friend taylor has kinda been pissing me off lately. she always seems so involved with herself. sometimes she can't even take two seconds to say hi to me when i see her. i can never talk when i'm around her because she's always too busy telling her own stories. and whenever i want to talk to my other friends, she's already talking their ears off. i feel very neglected when that happens. just like i feel neglected when i'm walking with my friends in the hall but they form a line and leave me behind. ugh. however, i seem to really be enjoying my friend tai right now. she's just really easy to talk to and she's really funny. also, she knows what sort of things bother me and what makes me laugh my ass off. i remember in past years we used to butt heads a lot cuz we are both opinionated people, but lately we seem to be putting our thoughts together and that makes up for taylor's ego.

my birthday is this coming sunday. November 23. and honestly, i can't say i'm excited or anything. i already got a majority of my gifts early. my mom made the concert in october my birthday present. my dad gave me money to buy t-shirts at the concert. and my grandparents purchased me a wonderfully expensive [$80] coat. i don't even think my brother has considered buying me a gift yet. but presents don't matter too much to me. i'm kinda happy to be one year older but at the same time it's like another year of my life wasted. where does the time go nowadays?

so that alex kid that i've been talking about lately. the one from my homecoming group. i finally got his number and we have been texting mostly every day. just simple lil conversations. i really like this kid you guys [and apparently his family can't keep a secret cuz dave told him i liked him] but i just don't think anything will come of this. i guess i was wrong in thinking that since his entire family is catholic he is a catholic. i found out that he's not. idk what to think of this like if he's still really religious or not. either way, i am not very religious at all and i don't think he likes swearing much and i do that a lot. plus, he's really into basketball and exercising and dance and i don't do anything. basically, we are sorta two different people and i can't see the forest for the trees. but i'm not going to dwell on the little things and give up. he's still a cool friend. [aw fuck, i just gave up]

it seems like i don't just do anything for fun anymore. i'm always just focusing on school and homework and other shiz. i don't know. so there's this kid at school named austin. lol he's pretty obnoxious and i'm really cool with that. i've never actually held a conversation with him or anything but i still think he's cool. he likes the foo fighters, the devil wears prada, and drop dead, gorgeous. and apparently he wants to be a ninja when he grows up. so i look forward to passing him in the halls a million times before class starts in the morning. and here's the thing, i don't care what anyone else thinks of him. i don't care if people don't see him as anything special or if people don't think he's hot cuz he's hilarious.

Nightmares Are For Dreamers

dreams come when you're in a very light sleep. when you're not too exhausted so your mind can still function. i guess i've just been far too tired lately, because i haven't dreamt in forever. the last dream i had was about this girl whom i hate with a passion becoming my step-sister and then all of a sudden she was cool. such a shame she couldn't become cool in real life also. never mind. to be frank among the commencement, i want to have a nightmare. for pure adrenaline purposes. i wouldn't call myself an adrenaline junkie or anything severe like that, i just enjoy the thrill. i wish my mind was like a horror movie when i slept. either that or a romance novel. lmao XD i'm trying to be serious here.

the weather outside is pleasing to me now. the sky reminds me of winter the way that it is so white with clouds and the air is thin and chill. yet, the ground reminds me of autumn because it is littered with orange and red leaves that provide a satisfying crunch when your feet stomp them to smithereens. the trees are somewhere in between. a majority of them are bare and bony. however, a few are still sprinkled with tiny, shriveling leaves. i like it. winter hasn't completely taken over. soon though. very soon.

i realized a few days ago that my music taste or preference tends the change along with the seasons. most obviously, this summer i was very into pop/punk/dance whatnot. but now that the skies have darkened, i'm leaning more towards rock/screamo/hardcore. those are horrible examples of the genres i listen to. my favorite way to summarize my music is with one simple word: alternative. but, i had to compare and contrast here. any who, my preference is for dark and dreary and dismal rather than what it was in the summer bright and bouncy and bodacious. i like this change though. not like i'm forgetting my other artists or anything like that. they just aren't on my most played playlist. =]

Wake Up; You're A Drama Queen

i'm gonna be honest you guys. not much has changed since the last time i posted. i can't really say anything worth while has happened. jeez, how boring is that? very. life is at a standstill. i guess i never said how dodgeball went.

we showed up and we looked pretty dashing for the most part. however, looks could not save us. let's just say we weren't the best team out there. XD but it was still worth it. i had a lot of fun and i laughed a whole lot. i would definitly do it again. except this time, our team should practice before hand.

we have another four day weekend this week. thursday and friday off! i could really use those extra days off. i'm running behind on sleep and i'm sick of going to bed so early. yes, i do consider 10:30pm to be early. midnight is more my speed. i don't think i have very much to do tho besides sleep. i'm pretty sure i'm going to spend the day at the hanus's house on friday. which should be fun. i'm kinda hoping alex isn't busy and is willing to pop by. my luck isn't that stellar. otherwise, i don't think i have plans. that bothers me. i'll be doing a whole lot of nothing.

it just came to my attention that i know a lot of people with the same name. alex is a prime example. and i do recognize that my stories are not as thourough when i am speaking of these people with same names. it may come off as very confusing. i don't really know how to fix that. my friends should get more creative names.

i'm gonna focus a majority of my freetime on reading. that is a goal of mine. i have a lot of books that i want to read and i'm sick of getting into the first chapter and losing interst. i also wanna work on writing a short story a two. granted, the short story will be for my health class at the end of the quater; but i'm trying really hard to come up with something amazing. the last story i wrote for health, i did it in one day. the teacher liked it a lot i guess but i know the amount of effort i put into it. i want something really special that will be phenomenal this time. and i'm not gonna procrastinate.

Phenomenon

so yesterday was voting day for americans. my support stood with barack obama all the way. i even wore a barack obama pin for two days. well, last night we he brought home the win. barack obama is now the president of the united states. this is a phenomenon and nothing less. we have officially changed history. no way this one will miss the history books. i wish so badly that i was old enuf to vote so i could have taken part in changing this country. alas, i still have another 3 years. the truly amazing thing about obama is that he had more than national support. people all over the world were tuned in with their fingers crossed. people in kenya, europe, and even iraq celebrated when the good news was announced. this is prolly the best thing that could have happened at a time like this. the hardest part for obama will be simply living up to the expectations of the world.

today, our school is holding a dodgeball tournament. me, katie, keegan, zach, kyle, and alex are on a team together. i'm kinda scared cuz i definitly do not have mad skillz when it comes to dodgeball and zach is taking it a lil seriously. oh well. i'm just going to have fun with it.

don't you hate it when someone likes you but you don't like them back and they know that but they still won't stop talking to you? well, i think cj yerke needs to leave me alone. and so does that kevin kid. cuz i don't like either of them. in fact, they slightly creep me out and it's annoying =P

Beatiful Boys On A Beautiful Dancefloor

i'm really happy because this week was only a three day week in my place of education. it's not often that we get halloween off in this hick ass town. so, i don't have to go to la escuela tomorrow or friday. =] i'm excited for tomorrow. nothing really big is happening. i'm just going on the french feild trip [tho i am not in french] my freind katie invited me to go cuz she can do that ^_^ but they are going to the milwaukee art museum [which i have been to like 3 times but it's fun anyway] and then to a french restauraunt. i really hope i enjoy the food there.

friday is halloween you guys. i'm sure you're all aware of that. i pretty much have zero idea of what to be. well, i kinda do but it's definitly not exciting. i'm prolly gonna end up being a ninja/thug/benji madden [old school ish]/shadow of the night! that last one was to make it sound epic and intersting. fail? yeah, i expected that much. me and katie need to polish up a few more details just to make things clear, but woo!

it was snowing here on monday. just tiny lil flakes. not enuf to measure or to even consider actual snowfall. nontheless, i was not very happy about this. i mean, i really like winter and all, but fall just began and i don't want it to end quite yet. =] it's my favorite season. i love all the seasons, tbqh. i used to hate summer and adore winter. however, i love every single one of them nowadays.

i realized, just now, how i've gone back to being a nobody on here. i remember back in the day when i had just started this thing and i was only getting a few comments. no regular readers except the coolest person in the world [katie]. then, after what seemed like ages, a few people came trickling along. all of the sudden, this blog following trend falls from the sky and i have all these follewers who want to read what i have to say and want to comment. that was nice to have people commenting and whatnot. but now, i guess all those people just got better things to do cuz i'm back to only having one regular viewer. frankly, this doesn't bother me too much, but neither did the "fan club" if i can even call them that.

tonight, i'm going to get William Control's cd. i'm 100% sure that it's going to sound great. =]

lil extra word in here
that cupcake that you gave to me today tasted amazing, katie ^_^

I Don't Know What To Title It

we had to make a poem for our english class today using subordinating conjunctions. gotta love that grammar, eh? the first four lines in each five line stanza had to begin with one of the subordinating conjunctions but the fifth line could not. there was no specific pattern we had to follow. no rhymes required. no certain beat or rhythm. just poetry. so, here is mine. i guess i just wanted to display it. i don't have a title yet and it's due tomorrow. i really want one so i'll have to come up with something dumb. anyway, here it is =]

When I look up to watch the birds fly,
So high up in the sky,
After I feel a lump grow in my throat,
As I bury my face in my coat,
I feel the warm stream of tears as I cry.

Although I cannot live my dream,
When I think of you, it makes my heart scream,
Because of passion; I am so full of it,
So I shall dig myself out of this depressive pit,
Your love makes my soul beam.

i don't write poetry at all you guys. only when it's by school assignment. however, i do enjoy writing it. i just hope it's good and not shit. *shrugs* =]

You're My Favorite Kind Of Creepy

said ryland to gabe ^_^

so the sassy back concert was last night =] and omg you guys, i had more fun there than i did at the ap tour. i think it might have been because i was a lil more experienced and i knew what to expect but it was sooooo amazing. i'm gonna start off by talking about the bands since that's what the concert was all about. =]

sing it loud was the first to go on stage. i'm not gonna lie, i don't know any of their music. however, i still enjoyed their set cuz all the guys in the band had so much enthusiasm especially the bassist. their keyboardist was adorable and their lead singer kept pushing the hair from the back of his head forward over his face. i really liked it. they were really getting the crowd into it. hit the lights came on next. their mics and stuff were so friggin loud. you couldn't even hear what they were saying. but their set was still okay. i knew a few of their songs and was able to sing along. forever the sickest kids were the next to hop on board. i was so obnoxiously excited for these guys. it's my second tyme seeing them and ugh it was the greatest. they had all these "new moves" lol and kyle burns's hair was so hilariously awesome. they were so adorable up there. their music was good and i knew all the words. =] now it was tyme for cobra starship. i loved the atmosphere of the place like all the lighting and stage decorations for these guys. they played the best set of the night. gabe said some really good stuff to the crowd. ryland shook his ass for us ^_^ vicky looked great like she always does. even tho i was tired by this point, i still jumped around the most. i especially love it when they came out for an encore and played pleasure ryland and snakes on a plane (bring it). you guys, it was the best. =D

now you wanna hear about the amazing people and the events from the crowd? oh for sure.

so before sing it loud came on, i was really scared we weren't gonna meet any really cool people like we met justin at the ap tour. however, once sing it loud was done, we had been pushed back a bit by all the people and now we were standing by these one kids who kept pushing each other around. one of them had a mohawk and i totally remember thinking "dude that kid has a mohawk. what the hell is he doing here?" lmao XD i guess i have some sort of fascination with mohawks cuz once he was close enuf, i reached out and touched it a few tymes. one of the tymes, his friend sorta caught me in the act so he turned around and fluffed up my hair. i am sooooo grateful that i did that cuz we totally became friends with these guys. we later discovered that mohawk kid's name is evan and his sorta bulky friend's name is jake. they were really nice for a bunch of troublemakers. there were a few other kids hanging around them that kept creating these lil mosh pits. "if you can mosh to the academy is slow down then you can mosh to forever the sickest kids" and that's just what they did for every set. right before forever the sickest kids came on, evan and jake decided to life katie into the air. i was all like woah! so right before cobra starship came on jake lifted me onto his shoulders with the help of evan. i had so much fun up there ^_^ and i guess evan seemed really into me cuz he had his hand on my back the entire tyme i was up in the air. and i noticed a few tymes, that when we were by the mosh pit, if they got a lil out of control, evan [or his friend jake a few tymes] would come stand by us and almost like shield us from them. i remember that gabe from cobra starship gave props to evan for having a mohawk XD. lucky. i didn't wanna leave. i was having so much fun and i wanted to chill with evan some more. but we had to go and i was really sad cuz the only departing i got from evan was a small hug and a lil goodbye. =/ but they were awesome kids anyway.

this concert was definitely better than the ap tour tho. i loved the ap tour and all but this tyme i was experienced and i had a lot of fun actually participating in the crowd the entire tyme and shoving around the kids in the mosh pit. the crowd was also really cool. it was a perfect size and all of the kids were kinda nice. if you wanted to get thru to your friends, they would move for you. and if you dropped something on the ground everyone around you would create a lil circle and there would be a million cell phones and lighters searching around. i would know this cuz at one point, katie's glasses fell off and evan was the one who eventually found them. ^_^ oh and i forgot to mention that we bought t-shirts in between forever the sickest kids and cobra starship. i got a purple hit the lights shirt and a gray cobra starhip shirt cuz i already have a ftsk shirt and i don't own anything by sing it loud. it was truly great you guys. it really was. i wish i could meet evan again. i'm so glad i touched his mohawk =D ah i wanna go back in time and experience again and again and again and....lawl

Open Up Your Eyes, I Wanna Watch You Cry

t-t-today after lunch, as i was heading towards health class, this kid came up in front of me and stopped me. i'm not kidding when i say he looke like a dumbass. he had a wifebeater on with these baggy pants, droopy eyes, and an ugly ass buzz cut.
"My friend was wondering if you had a boyfriend?" he was holding this bottle of chocolate milk really high in the air and i didn't understand why.
"Um...no"
"Would you wanna go out with him? He's the one over there in the green and white jersey. He's laughing a lot" so i looked toward the direction he was pointing his milk and saw this kid who didn't have a buzzcut but looked retarded anyway. maybe i was just being judgemental but i didn't know these kids and the group of them was acting so [for lack of a better word] dumb.
"No thanks. I'm good"
"He really wants to get to know you better"
"No i don't think so"
"Why?
"Cuz" we had slowly been walking for the earlier portion, but at this point he stopped and i continued on.
before i had gotten out of hearing range i heard the wifebeater yell to his friend
"She said no"
and his friend replyed back with something like
"Well, no duh"
i didn't stick around long enuf to hear if there was more to it

i-i-i didn't know what these kids intentions were. whether the one kid really wanted to know me [he didn't seem like the type to be interested in me] or if they were just bored or desperate for something. *shrugs* there were lots of possibilities running thru my head.

b-b-but the day carried on like a wayward son. after health i went to art. i guess i'm pretty much done with my still life for now. i never told you guys the story of that, did i? i don't feel like it. anyway, i didn't wanna work on my portfolio project so i got out my sketchbook and my i-pod. one thing i like to do when i don't know what to draw is listen to music and pick out interesting song lyrics. i got this one from a cobra starship song. "Open up your eyes, i wanna watch you cry" i hope that's the right thing and i didn't mess it up. i don't even remember what song it's from. so, i started doodling the words and a lil eye to go along with it. my plan was to make a tear coming from the corner and to make lots of eyeliner and mascara smudged all down the page. sorta like the album cover of escape the fate's dying is your latest fashion. hehe =] anyway, when class had finished the teacher came up to me and mentioned something about my drawing. i couldn't really hear what she said cuz tbh, i wasn't paying attention. she may have said something like "i took a picture of your work" or "i really liked your drawing" it sounded like one of the two and it was followed by "because it shows how students are thinking about other things during school besides the usual work. did you write that line?" "no, it's a song lyric" "oh, that's a really good lyric" then the bell rang. i guess i just found that interesting. i enjoy paraphrasing my days like parasuicides. failed attempts i never could forget.

i-i-n spanish class today we got an assignment to create the perfect best friend. we have to tell where they are from and what they are like and whatnot. i could create katie but i dont think i will. =] i considered making a combination of all my best friends but i thought that it would be so amazing that it would explode. so, i decided to make a best guy friend. cuz i don't have one of those and i really want one. i'm really excited about this. it's gonna be so much fun.

a-a-also, i think i failed to mention that the desk conversation in that class is back on. and i almost have an idea of who it might be.
"FML"
"So hard"
"FTW"
"Thats sick"
"Youre sick"
"Thats what he said"
"possibly"
the possibly is what i wanted to discuss. so this kid, zach eicher, if you've read katie's blog you know him. i suspect him for a few reasons. today during geometry he totally siad the word possibly just how i imagined desk writer saying it. also, he's in spanish II and he has the same teacher as me but a different hour. how crazy would that be? lawl

b-b-bringing sassy back tomorrow night =]

Straight Up ~ Epic Fail

this is my report on homecoming last night =]

the evening began when it was still light outside. me and my brother aaron headed over to our friends' house. friends=katie [not katiesaurus different girl], brianna, brielle, and nettie and her friend niteal. we sat around for a while then did our hair. niteal put a black ribbon in my hair and said my hair was "silky" so nettie came over to feel it. it wasn't awkward at all. then, we got all dolled up and when we came out i had the privilege of meeting some of katie, brianna, and nettie's relatives-alex and evan. they were super cool. to be honest, i sorta thought evan was gay cuz he has that higher voice and lil attitude. *shrugs* but he comes from a really strict catholic family so i don't think so. alex said all the girls looked nice and he was smiling at me the whole time. or maybe i was dreaming.

after that, we headed over to a park/playground to take some pictures. nettie's boyfriend tyler came along and so did her sister debbie. we went on the twirly slide which was kinda chaotic but really fun and we hit the swings. i usually don't like pictures but these were awesome cuz we were doing the oddest of things. =] we eventually made our way to dinner at old country buffet. nettie and tyler went their own way cuz they were going to the clinton homecoming instead of the parker homecoming and debbie went back home. not much to say about dinner except that i really enjoyed talking to evan and alex and everyone thought i was weird for getting a cupcake and only eating the frosting. psh.

night had killed the day and we arrived at parker highschool. the theme of the dance was the dark night. they had the bat signal shining on the school which i thought was really cool but once we got inside i thought the decorations were lame. i was hoping for more drastic stuff. for the first half, i had like zero fun. we only danced a lil bit and i was being sorta shy. i had a slow dance with alex tho and i felt extremely awkward. i'm sure my face was red. katie[saurus] along with taylor, zach, and keagan came about and hour later. i decided to hang with those guys after that. i didn't completely ditch everyone else but ya know. we also saw jocelyn and her sister and a lot of other people. i finally began having fun. it always takes me a long time to warm up to dances. it was amazing tho. zach kept wiping his sweat on me. i thought katie looked really pretty ^_^ and my shoes were killing my feet. we jumped around a lot and i did so much laughing that my abs started to hurt. i had a lot of fun. however, it had to end sometime.

i said all my goodbyes to katie[saurus] taylor, zach and keagan and went home with katie, brianna, brielle, aaron, alex and evan. on the drive home, me and evan discussed my favorite adjectives. i was over joyed about that conversation. i told him i liked the word straight cuz it goes perfectly with up and he said he liked the word epic cuz it sounded great with fail. teehee X]

we got back to katie, brianna and nettie's house and just chilled. i couldn't get comfortable in the seat that i had chosen cuz i'm dumb like that. me and evan discussed what soda we like and dislike. alex and i talked about...i don't really know. we just sorta talked =] there was a lot of laughing and i was sad cuz nobody wanted to watch the fresh prince besides me alex and evan but they both wanted to watch robocop more. i still had a blasty blast.

me and aaron headed back home around 1 am and i was sad cuz i wanted to stay longer. i'm really glad i met alex and evan. i think they're my favoritest people evah. i wanna be like best friends with evan cuz he's that cool. and omg you guys. i think i really like alex. i don't get butterflies for him or increased heart rates but he makes me smile and laugh a lot and all i can think about is how i wanna see him again. i just don't think it'll be that way =/

anyway, it was a spectacular time =] haha hope my story wasn't too long.

We All Get What We're Deserving Of

oh it makes my lips tingle! the word clusterfuck is a personal fave.

this morning it smelt like worms outside because of the rain we got last night. that scent displeases me >_<

so i should've metioned this earlier. about 8 days ago, but...oops. i really like october. to me, the entire month of october is like one big halloween celebration. once those decorations hit peoples lawns it's like BAM! halloween bitches! so yeah, i pretty much have my own month long celebration going on with that cuz i don't think anyone else actually thinks the same as i do. i'm also like that with the month of december and christmas. it's a jolly good time folks. =]

today, when i arrived in my spanish class i took a look at my desk and it was bare. there was a faint trace of pencil marks in the shape of a milkshake but nothing remained. that damn janitor caught word of the mutilation of school property. so, mutilation is a harsh word for having a desk conversation. anyway, i was sad but what can you do about it cept move on. it was no big deal from the start.

in global studies, i have a really cool teacher. everyone says that mr. conway is way cooler but i think mr. maurman is pretty amazing himself sometimes. the things we rant about in that class...sososo, mr. maurman is gonna be a chaperone at homecoming and while talking about this, he pulled out a huge stack of rulers. they exist still kids! save room for the holy spirit if ya smell what i'm stepping in. =P

speaking of homecoming, it's spirit week this week. monday was rival day so we had to wear gear from the rival highschool in town. tuesday was color war day so all the grades had to wear a certain color. today was superhero day which i loved and hated because some of the kids were hilarious but others were just fucktards. thursday is farmer day cuz our highschool is best known as cow pie high. old nickname. and to finish it off, friday is spirit day so we sposed ta wear school colors. i like this week a lot tho i'm not the biggest participator.

so in the beginning of the year, i had a lot of anxiety and i never could figure out the cause. well, now those feelings have purdy much left my soul [for the most part]. in fact, i've been invaded with some lame lethargy. i don't wanna be all sappy and complain about it. i just could'nt care less about shit. i do it but i don't care why. no real excitement or enthusiasm. just lethargy. it fills the air in my bubble.

one last thing before i go. been speaking of homecoming a lot and i'm extremely bothered that i'm not actually going with someone. i mean i'm going with friends and all but it's not a "someone". i wish i had a date. i wish i actually had a crush on someone. there isn't a single soul roaming around that i feel "feelings" for. no one gives me those butterflies or increased heart rate. i long for those feelings. the good kind of anxiety...=/

Please, Don't Wait For Me Today-Things Will Not Be Different Now

a small lil note here
i guess i have some stuff to report but i don't really feel as tho it's important
instead, i'm gonna give some thank you's
=]

i just wanted to mention all the people that are following me. i think it's so nice of all you guys. i'm flattered that people enjoy hearing what i have to say. honestly, i never would've imagined that i would be interesting. so yes, i think you guys are all cool =]

but one other thing i need to bring forth. if you're gonna follow me, please comment. a few of you peeps i've never even spoken to! i would like for that to change. just a lil note.

also, check out the blogs that i am following because those people are way cooler than i am. especially chad sugg's blog and keep a breast. i'm a total supporter of both of those blogs and tho there haven't been new posts in a while, i think you should read them anyway. thank ya.

tonight, i'm gonna go shopping for some shoes that match my dress for homecoming. i'm still amazed that it's batman themed. wow.
also, i really liked the football game friday night. the student section was crazy fun. =]

Religion's A Reminder That Our Past Is Filled With Liars

haha spanish is probably my favorite class now. the reason is because i'm having a conversation with someone by writing notes on the desk i sit in. basically, the person [whom i do not know] wrote some stuff on the desk and drew some pictures. i noticed it and decided that i wanted to comment. ever since then, it's been an ongoing conversation. every morning, i look forward to entering the spanish room and seeing if there is anything new. i like that a lot. it seriously makes me smile. alas, i would really enjoy meeting this person sometime. maybe that will be one of the things we discuss on our desk. haha! wouldn't that be spectacular.

today when i was in the library for health, i managed to finish my lil report thing before everyone else. that's what work at home gets ya, children. anyway, i decided to go look at the binder for the "accelerated reader" books even tho i've already picked myne. i guess i wanted to see if Brave New World was in there so i could give myself an excuse to read the darn thing. but it was not in there so i'm gonna stick with Tom Sawyer. backtracking a bit, the lady couldn't find the binder right away so she went on a search for it. as she was doing that, i just sorta stood there all awkward cuz i didn't know exactly what to do. as i looked like a retard, i noticed this one kid in the lounge area casting curious stares in my direction. maybe i'm exaggerating. but i've seen him around before and i think he's pretty awesome so i hope im not exaggerating. he was supposed to be reading but he kept peering over his book and sorta watched me the entire time which made me feel even more awkward. i guess it just made me happy. nothing more. i looked thru the binder and all was over.

i'm pretty happy about this weekend cuz i didn't have to take home any textbooks and my homework is scarce. later tonight i plan on going to the highschool football game with a bunch of people. afterward, i'm gonna go to these one people's house to pick out a dress for homecoming. did i mention that i pretty much got pressured into going to that thing? ugh. all was made better tho when i found out that the theme is fucking batman! woo! so yeah, i need a dress. i'm hopefully gonna find one then all i need to buy is some shoes and accessories.

i think i'm gonna go eat some taquitos now

Coffee Flavored Candy Corn

it's actually not that good you guys. pay no mind.

so in regards to my last post-"Sometimes". i guess it doesn't really make much sense. all i really meant by it is that i can be really cruel to people sometimes and the way i go about it they may not notice that in truth i'm actually trying to mock them or bring them down. it's a horrible habit of myne. no further detail necessary.

that reminds me of something. i quite enjoy using big words. for multiple reasons. mostly cuz i think they're fun to say and they make me look smart. i especially love adjectives and describing things. synonyms are the bomb diggity.

i've been itching to watch some horror/thriller movies lately. i was thinking about it not too long ago and i realized that i haven't actually seen anything that scary in quite some time. the movies i wanna see most would be 1408, the number 23, and idk whatever i see next time i go to the movie rental place.

i also really wish i could ride a bike. it's been years since i've rode one and i really miss it. but i also like walking so...i guess it's not that important to me. it just seems like it would be a lot of fun.

i'm so excited for it to be fall/autumn now. well, the weather could warm up a few degrees. it's only the start of october. but i'm looking forward to the leaves changing colors and the overcast skies. and the fucking concert! honestly, i'm still wondering what happened to summer. i don't remember much of what i did besides waking up at 9:30 and going on the computer. hm...

i really wanna buy something. i don't know what it is tho. i just know it's something and i want it.

Sometimes

my greatest words and phrases come in the form of mockery

Hinderance

sometimes the printer version of online articles isn't a good thing. i pretty much just wasted a crap load of ink on a supposed "printer version" of this article for Seasonal Affective Disorder [SAD]. that makes me angry cuz the words are so friggin small and one page is almost completely blue...*sigh* btw, Seasonal Affective Disorder is sorta a lame thing to research. it's so obvious. people feel depressed when the sun isn't out and the weather is cold. so they use light box treatments to make them happy again. wow. *hits self on head* i can't believe i choose that of all things to research for my health report.

on a another note, i have a million books i need to read. okay, so it's only three. one of them is Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer. i'm reading that for recreational purposes but i haven't actually had the time to pick it up and read it. the other is The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath. i've read it before but i decided to read it again for my health book report. i don't understand the purpose of a book report for health anyway. i really like that book A LOT so i don't mind reading it. however, i had to throw in a third book for english class. i choose Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain because it's an "advanced reader" and i own it. yeah. too many things to read and not enuf time to read them cuz i have so much other homework.

well guys, that's all i have. thanks for listening to me grumble on about stuff that doesn't affect any of you. =] it's what i do.

"A neurotic is a man who builds a castle in the sky. A psychotic is the man who lives in it. A psychiatrist is the man who charges them both rent." ~Jerome Lawrence

You Know You Live In 2008 When...

1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave

2.) You haven't played solitaire with real cards for years

3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don't have a screen name or my space

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV

6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job

7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling

8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends

9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5

10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5

11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly

12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did.

It's A Big One Folks!

Lars and the Real Girl, The Truman Show, and I Am Sam are three very good movies. i suggest you watch them sometime. speaking of movies, i really wanna see Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind. does anyone know if it's any good?

this kid in my art class asked me out today. i said no i didn't want a boyfriend right now. the dumbest excuse i could come up with at the time. according to my friend tai and her friend jessie, this kid [kevin] is seriously crushing on me. they decided it would be a good idea to tell him to ask me out. damn it was awkward cuz i don't like him [he's not that cute i guess you could say]. basically, that was a situation i would've loved to avoid. XP

ART CLASS! more. this kid has a friend. her name is ashley. so today when i was gonna ask the teacher a question [she was sitting by kevin] she stopped me and asked exactly how many band t shirts i owned. i told her i couldn't really list them all on the spot. so she said that i needed to make her a list of all of them and give it to her so she could plan out my wardrobe for next week. i made the list [i have 12 shirts] but i'm not sure if i'm really gonna let her tell me what to wear. it was interesting. her and her friend said that i looked like a sophomore and shouldn't tell people that i'm actually a freshy. *shrugs*

i think i have like 3 tests tomorrow. i have a lot to do. bums me out.

i'm purdy excited [times a lot] cuz you'll never guess what. =D i still can't believe this but on october 17th me and katie are going to see COBRA STARSHIP, FOREVER THE SICKEST KIDS, HIT THE LIGHTS, AND SING IT LOUD. hot damn! my mom agreed to take us and i'm excited. this isn't like our first concert, i actually know 3/4 of the bands. the first concert we went to [AP Tour] i only truly knew one band [The Matches]. but yesh! this is gonna be sweet. i'm hoping to pick up a killa cobra starship shirt. i had more to say about this but i completely forgot. dang.

i wanna join the GSA. Gay Straight Alliance. but i don't think i can manage it right now. i'm getting a lot of homework and i'm really bad at managing my time and my mom isn't very approving of that club. i think i'm going to have to wait until next year which is a really stupid move on my part. but ah well.

Oh Hot Damn~This Is My Jam

s-s-so i'm sick of starting every post with the word "so". it's not very interesting. i also think there need to be more text colors for this. i need a better variety.

i-i-i've been having a lot of anxiety at school. it mostly occurs when i'm walking thru the halls or sitting at lunch or in a class without friends. i can't control myself and i keep looking at the people around me to see what they're doing. i can't stand sitting in the front row of a classroom [i also don't like sitting in the back corner] because i need to see the people around me. it's a paranoia feeling. i'm not kidding. i don't get why i feel this. i get it a lot in art class. i'm too afraid to talk to the teacher about my project. i don't wanna ask teachers questions cuz i feel like someone will hear what i'm saying and they'll think something bad about me. there's my main problem. i'm so worried about what other people are thinking. when i'm walking thru the halls and trying to dodge people, i feel like everyone has their eyes focused on me.

h-h-however, i'm thinking that this won't last long. well, at least that's what i;m hoping. there's really no reason for it. besides that, school is school. not exactly fun but not horrible. it's school.

To Hell And Back...

i heard wiL francis had a side projekt going on. i read it in an issue of AP. gotta love that magazine

The smoke clears and in whispering waves of self-mutilation I can see the dark sky fall to pieces.
The world is sometimes too heavy to breath and the dead surround me like an ocean.
I can’t recognize the reflection looking back through the mirror.
I only grasp the concept of what it’s like to walk through life with a stranger holding a knife to my neck.
The empty shell of a shattered boy I know possess is my new skin.
Pain is my only horizon, hate, is my only form of flattery, ugly is the world around me and nowhere beyond the infinite infrastructure of the eternal lonely soul can my blackened heart be found.
If you want a glimpse of torment and bittersweet visions delight, I’ll gladly cut my head off so you can look down the hole.
Nothing there will bring the joyful bliss you crave.
Drinking lighter fluid to start a fire inside my guts, I am on a slow painful ride through the underbelly of hell and I wont mind if this is where we say goodbye and go our separate ways.

I am inside of you.
Living and breathing.

I am William Control

it's supposed to be electronica/new wave/rock. i really liked the sample thing. it sounds sorta dark [ok, REALLY dark] and i think i like it. i cant wait for something to be released. i'm sad tho, cuz he's been touring this around and i friggin miss everything.

PROOF! that katie is the bestest person in the world

looky, i put ur lovely drawing [with crayons on here] i wanted to show it off =]

Ashley > Jon Walker, Chad Sugg (AKA God), Frank Iero, and Patrick Stump





idk how this is possible but in katie's mind it is =] that's why katie is the bestest person ever

ZomFg

idk what the z is really about

so i was watching the news just now. like this very second. looking at the hurricane ike updates. my friend alex lives in DFW, Texas so i just wanted to see. it's more inland so idk. it's supposed to pass right thru there but hopefully it won't be horrible. what do i care? the kid is just being a douche right now anyway. ah well, that wasn't my point. after i got done watching ike they did the "making a difference" segment. and it was all about to write love on her arms. i was obnoxiously excited. they had jamie on there and they had the girl who inspired it all. they talked about the story and how they help kids and the website. it's kinda a stupid thing, but i'm jealous of all those kids who are on there. that's stupid cuz i'm jealous of their problems and the attention they get for them. anyway, i thought that was so cool to be hearing about that on national telly. i heard about twloha like a year ago and i just think it's an amazing organization. i'm really glad that it's getting the publicity it deserves. yay! =]