symphony of sympathy

a villanelle i wrote. it isnt an expert villanelle or anything because i didnt use iambic pentameter. personally, i think meter is fucking stupid. however, i used the line arrangement, 10 syllables per line, and the rhyme scheme. therefore, suck it expert poets, its a fucking villanelle ^_^ also, i kinda stole a few lyrics from bring me the horizon. despite this, i never planned on actually publishing it and i usually write poems just for myself so ithink its okay. besides, i usually like taking song lyrics and incorporating them into my writing. in a way, it depicts where i got my inspiration from for that particular piece.
with all that said, i now present my not so amazing villanelle:

Symphony of Sympathy
Ashley Messier

Close your eyes and breathe in deeply my dear.
The war that wages within will soon end.
You want to give up but please persevere.

These silent eyes can do nothing but tear.
Black streams flow and with your pale cheeks, they blend.
Close your eyes and breathe in deeply my dear.

I taste the failure on your lips and fear
Strikes my heart as i watch your life descend.
You want to give up but please persevere.

Razors and colored pills lay scattered near.
A lost, troubled soul, for you, I would mend.
Close your eyes and breathe in deeply my dear.

Remember when life was simple and clear.
Let us travel back in time and pretend.
You want to give up but please persevere.

The sadness will not cease; your pain sincere.
Light from your eyes fades; you start to ascend.
Close your eyes and breathe in deeply my dear.
You want to give up but please persevere.

sooo, yeah. im pretty sure its obvious what the topic is. whatever.
i originally wrote it for my ap english class as extra credit. my teacher gave me the full points and all she wrote was "very poingant and very visual" like thanks. i was actually really proud of this poem. its the first poem ive written using an actual format. well, thats a lie. i wrote a haiku once called The Death of a Season but i cant find it for the life of me. anyways, my teacher telling me that my poem is very visual and emotional doesnt tell me if it is good or not. but i guess i dont care. im pretty sure i made a few punctuation errors and there are places where the words dont flow very smoothly. but then again, i guess i kinda like that. nothing about suicide is perfect or smooth. nothing about emotion is perfect or smooth either. so i guess in a way it helps reflect my topic.
enough rambling. this is my favorite poem i have written so far.

up, up, and away

well, i did indeed end up losing my job at pizza hut. it plagued me for quite a while. im not sure im quite over it yet. however, i already have a new job at the Hampton Inn. it pays better and its out of the food industry and im not sure i will be dealing with customers face to face as much which im happy about. its a new start. pizza hut wasnt quite working out anymore. maybe im just doing sour grapes rationalization right now. or is it sweet lemons? i think i was right the first time. who fucking cares. point is, i have a new job and i can stop worrying as much about money and stuffffff.
too bad my happiness is being obstructed by other worries and bullshit. the person who i used to call my best friend, the closest person i had to me, no longer wants anything to do with me. ill admit that i was taking advantage of the relationship. i was getting bored with it. i was kinda acting bitchy and neglecting him. but now that he is gone i dont know what to do. im trying to fix it but he is ignoring me. i guess its what i deserve. i got sick of him and i wanted him to go away. well, i got what i wanted. but its just cliche me. i get bored so easily then i move on to something better. but once i lose the original thing im left wishing i could have it back. i guess i didnt stop to think about all the things i had been through with this person. all the really long phone calls. all the rants about nothing just so we could vent to each other. sure, we argued A LOT. but he was always there for me. he was my best friend...
my relationships with people these days are nothing like i want them to be. theyre all changing for the worse and i feel like most of it is my fault. i fuck up a lot. it seems like i never learn. i dont know what to do.
im not even sure what else to talk about. i already blabbed about the two major things that happened recently. for some reason ive been really depressed and moody lately. but there doesnt seem to be a specific cause and its frustrating cuz here i am trying to vent so i can feel better but i have absolutely nothing to vent about besides the fact that im an idiot and i ruin almost every relationship i have.
im sick of feeling alone.
im sick of feeling alone and knowing its my fault.
im sick of everything right this very moment.